


He will never be my brother

by herilaveur



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:29:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26696776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur
Summary: End of January 2019, in a parallel universe...Since one month, Lucas has been placed in a foster home. He never knew his father and his mother had to be hospitalized.Since five days, he stopped eating. Because five days ago, Kevin, the one who shares his room, broke into his bed and since then, Lucas has been haunted by what happened.He can't sleep and doesn't know how to end this shitty life, but Olivier, one of the educators, offers to take him in. He wants Lucas to be placed in his family and come live with him, his wife and his son. Lucas would have his own room and could return to his old school.Lucas finally accepts, praying with all his strength that Olivier's son, who is two years older than he is, will not be a carbon copy of Kevin.That's how Lucas arrives one Friday morning in the Demaury's apartment, his body broken, feeling horribly disgusted with himself and with his heart in pieces.He no longer expects anything from life, but life has the most beautiful gift in store for him.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 72
Kudos: 178





	1. Destroyed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....this fic starts straight with notions of rape, anorexia and self-loathing...so don't read it if you know you can't handle it. 
> 
> Why did I write this? Honestly, I don't know. It just came out, that's all...And then, I promise, it ends well with a lot of love...

''Okay, we really need to talk about Lucas Lallemant.''

Lucas stops when he hears his name. He shouldn't be here, he should be in bed resting, but he can't be. He knows he shouldn't be hearing this, but he quietly walks to the door of the educators' office to listen.

"He's not doing well at all," says Olivier "If it continues like this, we're going to have to put him in the hospital."

Lucas swallows and that alone makes his throat hurt. He hasn't eaten for five days. Before, he used to nibble a little, but now he can't even swallow. He just wants to let himself die anyway. If he had more courage, he would end his life himself, but he is afraid that he will miss out, like his mother did, and that everyone will blame him, like he blames his mother. Until not long ago, there was a little part of him that wanted to live, like a little voice telling him that life could be beautiful sometimes, and telling him that one day he would be far away and he would be happy. But now that this voice is dead, replaced by suffering, he no longer expects anything from life. 

He has placed in the foster home since almost a month. Since his mother attempted suicide. Lucas never knew his father, he doesn't even know who he is then when his mother was hospitalized, he was placed in a foster home. He had to leave his high school and his buddies and that makes him really sad. Yann is like his brother and he misses him a lot. Lucas told him that he didn't have visitation rights yet, but that's not true, he just didn't want Yann to see him in this squalid place.

Sure, the walls are painted orange, green or yellow, but it's still a sordid place for abandoned kids and violent teens, angry at the whole world. Most of all, Lucas didn't want Yann to get upset when he realized that the other guys in the home were pushing Lucas around, hitting, bullying and insulting him whenever the educators weren't looking.

And then there are worse things, but Lucas doesn't want to think about that. He doesn't want to think about it, but he can't help it. He can almost still feel Kevin's warm breath in his neck, his hand slipping into his pajama pants, and the hard dick the older boy is rubbing against his back. If Lucas closes his eyes, he hears himself begging Kevin to stop, but more importantly, he hears the older guy tell him that it's for his own good, to make him straight and disgust him with men. 

Since that night, Lucas is disgusted with life, and disgusted with his roommate, disgusted from himself, but he's sure he's still gay. That was five days ago and since then, Lucas hasn't been sleeping, he has too scared to do it. Kevin tried to get back into Lucas's bed the next night but Lucas hit him and he went to the infirmary because he had a nosebleed. Since then, Lucas hasn't been sleeping because he knows that if he does, Kevin will take advantage of it. That's why he can't eat anymore either, because he is disgusted with everything. And he can't talk about it because Kevin threatens him and anyway, Lucas is too ashamed.

Since he doesn't sleep at night and he doesn't eat, he's too tired to go to high school, anyway, he hates his new school. He has been allowed to stay at the home to rest but he can't do it. So there he is, in the hallway, listening to the educator and the director talking about him.

''Maybe he needs to be hospitalized. We've already had anorexic girls, we can't help him if he doesn't want to be helped.''

''He's not anorexic.'' Defends Olivier ''He's suffering. He tries to act tough, but he's just a scared kid. He doesn't belong here.''

Lucas sits against the hallway wall with tears in his eyes. Olivier is right, he doesn't belong here. Olivier is Lucas' favorite educator. He is tall but very thin and always has a huge smile on his face. He doesn't let any mockery go by and stands up to all the young people who want to make the law in the home. He's definitely the most feared educator, and yet Lucas knows he can be really nice. He once brought a piano keyboard from home for Lucas to play on, just because he told him he missed it. Lucas almost cried when he asked Olivier not to leave it here. What he didn't tell Olivier was that he was afraid Kevin would break it.

''He's almost 17 years old, Olivier. No foster family will want him.''

Lucas doesn't want to go to a foster family anyway. He's heard too many stories of families abusing children, hitting them or locking them in a room. No, Lucas just wants to get out of here and take care of himself.

''I'm still licensed. I want to take him in my home. I want to be his foster family."

Lucas is startled and looks up at the half-open door.

"Olivier, it's not like that. There's a whole system and''

''Fuck the system, Marie! There's a kid who's suffering and who needs a family. I have a legal right to take him in."

''Do you remember why you stopped, Olivier?'' asks the director softly.

Lucas hears Olivier's huge sigh.

''My son is better. Now that we know what's wrong with him, and he's being followed for it, he's really better. Anyway, Lucas will be informed of all this before deciding whether he wants to come or not. We have talked about it at length with my wife and our son and we are ready to welcome him. He might even go back to his old high school. I'm sure he would get better. It can't get worse anyway."

Lucas gets up in the hallway. He stands on the wall because his head is spinning a little. He must have fallen asleep and must be dreaming because this can't be real. No family would want to be burdened with him.

He takes a step forward but the office door opens and he jumps out.

''Lucas? What the hell are you doing here? You should be resting."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and lowers his head.

''I went to get a glass of water, I can't sleep.''

Olivier puts his hand on his shoulder and brings him into the director's office.

''Okay, so finally, he's there. Lucas, I would like you to come and live with me. I have a wife named Liz who is a chef in a restaurant, and a son who is almost 19 years old named Eliott who is a senior. Actually, he's been at Dorian High School since January so you might even go back there too.''

Lucas nods gently, not knowing what to say.

''My son has bipolar disorder. So he has manic or depressive episodes, but he's getting treatment to help him. I just want you to know that before you make up your mind. You won't have to do anything except understand that sometimes he won't leave his bed for a week or he may say things he doesn't mean. The manic episodes are calmer now that he's being treated, but he has depressive episodes that keep him bed-ridden.''

Lucas nods again and feels the anxiety taking hold of him. What if his son is a copy of Kevin and is trying to abuse him? What if, in the end, what seems to be an open door to a better world is in fact a descent into hell?

''Would I be sleeping in his room?''

Olivier and the director take astonished faces and Olivier shakes his head.

''No, of course not. You'll get your room, Lucas. I'm telling you about Eliott so that you know about it, but you won't even have to be friends with him, although I hope that happens."

Lucas swallows a little harder and then nods slowly.

''I'll give it a try."

Olivier takes a huge satisfied smile as the director leans over to him.

''Are you sure, Lucas? You don't have to, you know."

Lucas nods firmly this time.

''I want to get out of here.''

Olivier puts his hand on Lucas' hand.

''Okay. We have to organize the administration but I'll come back for you tomorrow in the morning. The Demaurys are gonna be thrilled to have you home. Plus, we have a piano. I can't wait for you to bring it back to life."

Lucas looks at the director, and she sighs softly.

''If you want to go, you have to prove to us that you're gonna get better, Lucas. I'll let you go if you eat a meal today."

Lucas nods and spends the next hour eating breakfast. He feels like throwing up and tries never to close his eyes so he doesn't think about the dick Kevin put in his mouth. He chews too much and swallowing hurts him but he finishes half the tray.

''Okay, that's it, Lucas, we're going to take care of the paperwork. It's a temporary placement, on the condition that you gain weight, go back to school and don't do anything stupid, Lucas. At the slightest fault, you come back here.''

Lucas finds himself smiling, it hasn't happened to him for several weeks and Olivier congratulates him before telling him to go rest. Lucas really has to fight the urge to make himself vomit, especially when he sees his bed so he comes out of the room and goes to spend the day in the baby section. It's soothing to be with the babies and even though it hurts Lucas to see all these babies abandoned from birth, it makes him feel good about them. Today, Martine takes care of the babies and since she likes Lucas, she lets him stay with her and spend the day cuddling the babies. There is nothing to do, just take them against you and watch them sleep, and yet for a few hours, Lucas feels useful and he feels a little better.

But unfortunately, when evening comes, he has to go back to the teen section. And as he expected, news of his departure spread quickly and pissed off Kevin, who complains that Lucas is Olivier's favorite. As soon as the night watchman has finished his rounds, Kevin holds Lucas against his mattress while trying to undo his pants. There is so much hatred in his voice and in his eyes that Lucas feels like he is going to kill him.

''I've been here since I was 3 years old and you don't even do a month. It's not fair. Who's going to make me feel better now? You were the only thing that brought me any happiness in all this shit."

Lucas tries to push him away but Kevin is way stronger than him and he's holding his hand over his mouth to keep him from screaming.

''It's so much better than jerking off on your own. Come on, admit you like it little faggot. You like it when I come in your mouth. I could come inside your ass for the last time. I'm sure you'll like.''

Lucas bites his hand and takes advantage of Kevin's surprise to make him fall out of bed and run out of their room and up the hallway, tears running down his cheeks to the living room where the two night watchmen are having coffee.

''Lucas? You should be in bed."

Lucas looks down the empty corridor behind him and shakes his head as he struggles not to cry.

''I can't sleep. Let me stay here."

He sits on one of the sofas, curled up in a ball and doesn't even wait for an answer. Claire, one of the educators brings him a blanket and gently strokes his head.

''Tomorrow you're leaving here, Lucas. I know you don't like it here, but it's your last night. Is there something you want to talk to us about? You look scared, Lucas. You can tell us anything, you know, we're here to help you."

Lucas remains mute, doesn't sleep and stays on the couch all the night. He is always there when Olivier arrives at 9 o'clock. He enters in the living room, hand in hand with a pretty blonde woman smiling. There are people who light up a room as soon as they enter it, and frankly, this woman does exactly that. She looks sparkling and she reminds Lucas a bit of Daphne. Today is Friday, but if all goes well on Monday, Lucas will go back to his school and finally see his friends again. This thought gives him a tiny spark of joy but at the same time he's afraid to face his friends, because he knows that he has changed physically and in his mind too. Not to mention his heart shattered by violence.

''Hi Lucas, I'm Liz. It's really nice to meet you.''

She pulls Lucas up against her and even though he feels very embarrassed, right in the middle of the living room, he doesn't try to back down.

''Okay, you're ready?''

Lucas shakes his head shamefully.

''I was afraid you would change your mind. Or that it would all be just a dream. But just give me five minutes."

Olivier nods, gently caressing his shoulder.

''Take your time, Lucas.''

''I'm not working today.'' Liz says with a smile ''We are fully available for you.''

Finally Lucas takes less than five minutes to gather his things. He looks at the empty bed and looks up to the sky, silently praying that he will never have to come back here. 

The car ride is rather quiet and Lucas appreciates that Liz and Olivier don't feel compelled to talk. When Olivier parks in front of a building, Lucas feels the anxiety rising. Is he really going to live there now? It sounds so crazy. 

Olivier takes Lucas' only bag and waves him in when he opens the door of the building. They go up to the second floor and Liz opens the apartment door. 

On his left, there is the kitchen, _a place where Eliott is not allowed to stay_ , Olivier says, laughing before showing him the living room. Lucas immediately spots the piano, and the wall is filled with drawings. 

''Eliott likes to draw very, very much. But this wall is for everyone, you can add whatever you want on it.''

Lucas quickly goes through the drawings, but he tries not to linger because he doesn't know if he has the right to do so. It looks so intimate, and at the same time, it's displayed right in front of him. It's kind of funny in the end, most families have a collection of pictures of themselves, but here there are only drawings of animals. Mainly raccoons, wolves or bears.

''Do you want to see your room?''

Lucas looks at Liz and nods. Olivier takes his bag and shows him the last door on the left in the corridor.

''Opposite, it's Eliott's room. Here is the bathroom and our bedroom, it is the last door.''

Lucas looks at the bedroom painted in midnight blue. He looks at the desk and thinks that he could always move it to block the door at night, so he will be less afraid and he should be able to sleep.

''I want you to feel safe here," says Olivier softly, "so if it's going to help you sleep well, I can put a lock on it, okay? Anyway, Eliott will never go into your room without your permission and neither will we. It's your room, Lucas, you can decorate it or do whatever you want with it. I just want you to feel comfortable here."

Lucas nods and that's when he bursts into tears. Luckily Olivier catches him and pulls him against him because Lucas has no strength left in his legs. Oliver gently caresses his back and Lucas finally feels safe.

''It's all right, Lucas, we're taking care of you.''

Lucas thanks him and lies down on the bed, exhausted. Olivier folds the comforter over him and closes the curtains before gently closing the door. Lucas doesn't even count to two that he falls asleep already.

Lucas wakes up with a start when he hears the doorbell of the apartment. He panics a little because he doesn't know where he is and then everything comes back to him and he breathes more calmly. And that's when he hears him. 

He jumps out of bed and finds himself in the hallway in less than a minute. He runs across the hallway and jumps into his arms. Yann is so surprised that he almost makes him fall on the floor but fortunately that doesn't happen. Basile and Arthur start to scream with joy as they jump around them and Lucas cries. 

They are all four in the middle of the entrance and Lucas cries on Yann's shoulder while his friends touch his arm or his back as if to make sure he is there. When we talk about an explosion of joy: that's what it is.

"Ok guys, come and eat. Lucas needs to get his strength back." calls them Liz from the kitchen, "And I really want to get to know all three of you."

Yann puts Lucas down on the floor and smiles at him but Lucas sees in his best friend's eyes that he feels sick when he looks at him, that he is even downright shocked. He sees that Basile and Arthur look at his waist. He knows that he is floating in his clothes and that his friends did not think they would see him like this. But he didn't think he would see them now either and only then does Lucas look at them frowning.

''How did you know I was here?''

''I told them you were at our house and I offered they come to see you. I thought you'd like that and I'm glad to see that I didn't make a mistake."

Lucas turns to the salon and discovers a guy much taller than he is, with brown hair, wildly scattered over his head, smiling tenderly at him. He is just close enough for Lucas to be able to see his blue eyes, which are much darker than his own, but have a kind of glow of joy inside.

Lucas opens his mouth to thank him but Eliott, because it's clear that it can only be Eliott, winks at him and everything around Lucas turns black. He feels his head hitting the ground without any grace and then nothing more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The other chapters won't be as long... And above all there will be better moments for Lucas.


	2. Afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok...actually, I had written everything, but I'm adding to it every day so I think all the chapters will be as long as the first one finally...

When he comes to his senses, he is lying on the sofa in the living room, Eliott barely standing a few inches from his face. But how can this guy be so cute with his tender little smile?

''Are you okay? Mom, he's coming to."

Lucas tries to sit back down, but his head hurts like hell.

''Don't move, you have to eat first.''

Yann joins them, with sugar and water, which he hands to Lucas.

"Liz says that you haven't eaten for several days. You scared us, Lulu. You are so..."

Yann does not finish his sentence but Lucas understands him so he nods his head. He sits down and takes the sugar.

"Do you know that you look like the school nurse there?''

Lucas hears Arthur and Basile laughing in the kitchen.

''In high school, our school nurse is really special. If we come in because we have a stomachache, a dizzy head, or even because we hurt ourselves in sports, she always gives us water and sugar." Arthur laughs. 

Lucas hears Liz laughing, then she appears in the living room, a tray full of pastries and cakes.

"That's what you need to regain strength. Olivier went shopping while you were asleep because finally he has just learned that he is working tomorrow. Do you want me to take the day off tomorrow to stay with you?''

Lucas shakes his head.

''No, I can manage. Can I go out and see my friends?"

Liz looks at him before she takes a big smile.

''Of course, you're not in jail, Lucas. We'll discuss the conditions later, but first you need to get your strength back, okay? If your friends had the right to come visit you at the foster home, you'd think they would have every right to come here."

Lucas doesn't miss the look Yann sends him and he looks down with a sigh.

''Yeah, I lied, sorry. I didn't mean to..."

Lucas sighs and takes a cake from the tray. He completely avoids Yann's gaze and frankly, the cake, even though it's delicious to just taste of shame. Lucas swallows it with difficulty while Eliott grabs a muffin then crosses the living room and greets the guys before leaving for his room.

"You can stay," says Lucas before Eliott is in the hallway.

''No, don't worry, enjoy your friends, I'll see you later.''

Eliott winks at him and then raises his eyebrows as if he expects Lucas to faint every time he does it. And the worst part is that Lucas is pretty sure it could happen. 

Basile asks him to tell him about the month he spent in the foster home and if it was really so horrible that what they say then Yann hits him in the ribs with a big elbow. Arthur changes the subject and tells him the latest stories from high school and how the girls, especially Daphne, decided to turn the high school foyer into a trendy place. Yann explains to him that Eliott has volunteered to repaint the ugly wall. After that, Basile spends a moment talking about his attempts to get noticed with Daphne and Arthur spends a moment laughing at him. Lucas falls asleep on Yann's shoulder, without realizing it.

When Lucas wakes up, it is dark. The clock in front of him indicates 2:15 am. Lucas feels exhausted, as if he would never be able to catch up on his sleep. He gets up and the blanket that was on top of him falls to the ground. He wonders who put the blanket on him like that and assumes it must be Liz. Lucas's foot slams into the living room table and moans and then approaches the window to open it and look outside. Everything is calm, there is not a single movement and it's rather soothing. The cold coming in whips his skin and strangely enough, it makes him feel good, it makes him feel alive.

"You're not going to jump, are you?"

Lucas jumps and hits his back in the window sill.

''Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.''

Lucas rolled his eyes at Eliott and closed the window.

''So don't come quietly, in the dark, in the middle of the night. Anybody would be scared."

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''I guess so. Sorry. I'm sorry. I heard a noise and"

"You weren't sleeping?"

Eliott rubs his neck, shrugging his shoulders again, as if he had just been caught doing something stupid.

"No."

Lucas looks at his hands as if he could see the answer he was looking for, but Eliott is too far away.

''Were you drawing?"

Eliott nods his head and smiles so Lucas comes closer to the wall full of drawings.

"Why are you drawing animals? And why are they almost always the same?"

Eliott comes closer to the wall and points to a drawing with his finger. There is a raccoon crying in one corner of the paper and in the other corner there is a worried bear and wolf looking at him.

''These are our spirit animals.''

Lucas looks at another drawing. The raccoon is drawing while the wolf is preparing food and the bear is smiling at them.

''Is the she-wolf your mother?''.

Eliott nods his head and smiles.

''Yeah, 'cause she's overprotective and she's always defended me against everybody. She's always protected me, and I know she always will. And then she's always been like that with the kids that came here. She's really a she-wolf."

''So the bear is your dad? Because he's strong?"

Eliott nods his head and smiles a little bit more.

''Tall, strong, and he grunts whenever he's in a bad mood.''

''But why are you a raccoon?''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders.

''Why not? They're cool with their masks. I like that."

Lucas looks at the wall again. In several drawings, the raccoon is crying, while another animal leaves with a suitcase in his hand. Sometimes it's a squirrel, sometimes an owl, sometimes a giraffe, sometimes a monkey...the character changes but in each drawing, the raccoon stays alone and cries.

''It's every time a child has been taken into the family and placed somewhere else or returned with his parents or adopted or just turned 18 and left.''

Lucas looks at Eliott who suddenly looks sad.

''How many of them were there?''

Eliott doesn't even hesitate.

''You are the twelfth. Sometimes babies, sometimes children, sometimes teenagers. Some girls, some boys. Sometimes they stayed a few months, sometimes 2 or 3 years. Of course, there are some I didn't like and with whom I no longer have any contact, but for some, they will always be like my brothers or sisters. You see the giraffe, it was Mathieu, he was 14 years old when he came here and he was already almost as tall as my father. The monkey is Christine, she was 9 months old and she loved to fiddle with our hair, frankly it looked like she was looking for lice. She was adopted when she was 3 years old and I was 16 years old and I still see her. The owl is Raphael. He's three years younger than me. He was there between 5 and 8 years old and frankly we were like twin brothers together. He lives in Nice but we always talk to each other and see each other when we can."

Lucas looks at Eliott, rather surprised. He wouldn't have thought, looking at him, that he would have such a big heart. He seems really touched by these children who shared his life during their welcome.

"I was sad that my dad stopped helping these kids because of me and my illness, so I'm glad to get better if it makes it possible for you to come and live with us. And I thank you for not refusing because of that. I know my dad told you and I was okay with him doing it but I know it can be scary, so thank you for not being scared. I'm glad you're here."

Lucas looks him in the eye and frankly, he would almost be ready to tell him that he will never be afraid of him, but instead, he smiles softly at him.

''I'm glad to be here too.''

Eliott can't even imagine how true that sentence is. They look at each other for a moment in silence, until Lucas looks at the wall again and then smiles.

''And how would you draw me?''

The hallway light comes on and Olivier appears almost immediately in the living room.

''Oh? But it's a moment of night, it seems?''

Eliott nods with a smile and Olivier waves to Lucas to follow him into the kitchen.

''When Eliott was little and had trouble sleeping, he got up quietly and came to draw in the living room. Sometimes we didn't realize it until the next morning, when we found him asleep on the living room, his hands full of pencil marks, but sometimes I would wake up and we would talk about anything and everything while eating all the cakes that Liz brings home from work.''

''I'll tell you, I was a kid. We haven't done that in year." Eliott said as he pulled out four cups. 

''Your hands are full of pencil, Eliott. I'm sure you weren't asleep."

Olivier says this as an observation, but not at all as a reprimand and Eliott smiles as he washes his hands.

''Yeah, I have to come up with an idea to paint the school's foyer. Will you help me, Lucas? Daphne said you'd have no choice but to get involved.''

Lucas nods with a smile. That sounds just like Daphne to say that. He watches Olivier taking several cakes out of the fridge while Eliott is heating water.

''Eliott, get away from my work surface. You might be able to set fire to the kitchen in the middle of the night.''

Lucas watches Liz walk into the kitchen and he smile. Her hair is all messed up and she has a trace of the sheets on her cheek, but she still has a huge smile on her face.

''Eliott would be able to spoil tea." Liz tells Lucas, "My only son has no sense of taste and he makes improbable blends that always end up making us sick."

''Mom! I'm not 15 years old anymore! I swear to you that I am a very good cook now. You just don't have the guts to dare."

Liz laughs as she fills the cups.

''At this point, that's not guts anymore, that's unconsciousness.''

Lucas looks at Eliott, who is stunned and starts laughing. He puts a hand in front of his mouth, as if he has just done something wrong and it makes the three Demaurys smile. Especially Eliott. 

Finally they spend almost an hour talking in the kitchen in the middle of the night and it just seems unreal. At 3:30 am, Liz announces that it's time to go to bed. Eliott and Lucas are the first to leave the kitchen and when they arrive in front of the bedroom doors, Eliott lightly touches Lucas' arm.

"It was nice. I like to hear you laugh, I hope it happens more often."

Lucas looks at him with a smile on his face and even if he opens his mouth to speak, no words come out.

''See you later then. Good night, Lucas."

Eliott addresses a wink to him before entering his room and Lucas hears Eliott's bed cracking as if he had just slumped over it. He goes back to his room and almost slams the door to prevent himself from fantasizing about Eliott in his bed.  
  
He can't have a crush on Eliott. He has just found a semblance of family life, he can't ruin it. There's no way he's going in the foster home.

Lucas lies down on his bed and falls asleep almost immediately.

He wakes up when a hand touches his shoulder and he starts screaming as he stands up. 

''Oh Lucas, it's me," says Olivier softly as he steps backwards, "Everything is fine.''

Lucas looks at him before crying and apologizing.

''I'm sorry. I'm sorry.''

Olivier comes to sit on his bed and gently puts his hand on Lucas' forearm.

''I'm sorry I scared you. I knocked but you didn't answer and I was afraid something had happened to you.''

Lucas wipes his cheeks and tries to smile.

''I think I was in a really deep sleep. I'm sorry."

Olivier gives him a warm smile. 

"I came to tell you that I have to go to work but I don't know if you're ready to be alone. I'm going to tell them I can't come."

Lucas shakes his head.

''No, go ahead. I just got scared. I'm okay. I'm probably going to sleep all day anyway. I don't want you to miss work because of me, it's nice of you to have me in your house, I don't want to be a burden."

Olivier smiles and gently caresses his arm.

''You are not a burden, Lucas, we are delighted to have you at home. I'll have my phone with me all day long, at the slightest problem, you call me, okay? I made you a list with all the numbers on the kitchen table. You have all your meals for the day ready in the fridge. Please eat. You have an appointment on Monday after school with the foster home doctor, you really need to put on some weight."

Lucas feels his breathing accelerating.

''I don't want to go back there.''

Olivier smiles at him as he continues to caress his arm in a really soothing way. Lucas has never had a father, but he assumes this is what a father does to calm his son.

''I'll be with you, Lucas, and then we'll come back here, but we need to make sure you're okay. If you want to talk to me, Lucas, I'm here. I'm here to talk to you about anything. About what you've been through, about your mom, about what you're feeling. Whatever you want, Lucas."

Lucas nods gently.

"Thanks."

Oliver leaves his room and Lucas gets up right after that. He grabs his clothes and heads to the bathroom. He has almost closed the door when he hears Oliver's voice. He stops only because he thinks that Olivier wants to talk to him but he realizes that he is actually talking about him with his wife, at the other end of the corridor.

''He's showing all the signs of abuse, Liz. I'm going to stay here with him. Damn, I'm sure they put me to work today only to make me refuse and prove that I can't handle Lucas on top of the job. I can't believe Marie dares to do that."

''This is exactly why you have to go, Oli. Plus, if he told you he can handle it, trust him. Maybe he just needs some time. Let him get his bearings. He'll talk to us when he has confidence. I hope so.''

''I hope so too.'' sighs Olivier. 

Lucas hears the sound of a kiss and then the front door opens and closes and he gently closes the bathroom door. 

The hot shower really does him good but he keeps hearing Olivier's sentence: _he shows all the signs of abuse_. Is it that obvious? Does everyone notice it when he looks at him? Do his friends understand? Lucas raises the temperature a little bit more, rubbing his skin as hard as he can to remove the feeling of dirt that sticks to his skin. He is forced to stop when the water gets cold and he immediately feels guilty. 

He looks at himself in the mirror and almost jumps when he sees his skin reddened by the heat and friction of the glove so he looks away and gets dressed. He opens the bathroom door, letting out a cloud of condensation and Eliott's door opens at the same time. Eliott looks at him smiling then his eyes pass over Lucas' arms and he loses his smile a little but he says nothing.

''I'm sorry, there is no more hot water. I didn't realize I've been in there so long."

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and opens a closet in the hallway.

''I'm going to turn the hot water tank on forcibly, I'll take a shower tonight, don't worry. My mom just went to work at the restaurant, she left your breakfast on the table.''

Lucas nods, his cheeks as red as his skin. He is clearly not used to being taken care of like that. He watches Eliott go into the bathroom and goes up the corridor but he goes towards the living room. He looks around, as if he has to make sure he's alone again and then sits on the piano bench.

He presses a note and closes his eyes and starts again. Only when he plays can he really express what he feels. Lucas has never liked to talk, especially about how he feels, but when he plays, Lucas feels like he can finally express himself. So he puts both hands on the keyboard and plays _Debussy's Clair de Lune_ because it's the saddest music that comes to his mind.

He stops and takes a slight breath before playing what his mother used to play when she was not well: _Bach's Prelude in C major._ She used to say that this song had the power to make unhappy people smile.

Lucas could almost see himself when he was 5 years old, sitting on his mother's lap while she taught him to play, or later when they played together. He doesn't want to think that at Christmas she didn't want to play with him and two days later she tried to commit suicide, so he plays the most difficult piece he knows: _Chopin's Minute Waltz_. This piece is so difficult that he can't think of anything else when he plays it.

He stops, panting but smiling and jumps when someone applauds behind him, even though he knows it's Eliott before he even turns around. 

''I didn't even know you could do that with a piano," he exclaims with a huge smile "Okay, I drew this for you, so play something for me and I'll give it to you."

Eliott waves a piece of paper folded in half and sits on the couch, waiting patiently with a huge smile on his lips. Lucas puts his hands on the keyboard and then turns around to look at it before putting his hands on the piano and he plays the only song that comes to his mind. 

When he finishes, Eliott sits on the edge of the couch and stares at him smiling.

''You're really surprising, Lucas. How do you manage to play this so easily? What is the name of this song?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and Eliott stands up and gives him the paper folded in half.

''I like surprising people.''

Lucas looks at him smiling and unfolds the paper. It is a sequence of three drawings. In the first drawing, there is a sad hedgehog, too thin with spikes falling down and there is a heart broken into a thousand pieces at his feet. And frankly, even if it's totally what Lucas feels, it hurts to see that. It hurts to see that Eliott can read him so well. It hurts so much that he almost wants to drop the sheet. But instead, he looks at the rest. In the middle box, a raccoon gently takes the pieces in his paws and the hedgehog watches him do it. In the last box, the hedgehog is bigger and prettier, and most importantly, he has a huge smile and a pretty red heart in his chest. The raccoon holds him by the shoulders and they look out a window together.

Lucas doesn't really know what he's supposed to think about all this so he just looks at Eliott.

"Thanks, but why a hedgehog?"

Eliott runs his hand through Lucas' hair and raises it up in the air with a very serious look.

''I love them, they're cute.''

Lucas doesn't have time to deal with that when Eliott pulls him into the kitchen.

''Okay, so, what do you want to drink? Coffee? Tea? Chocolate?"

Lucas looks at him and smiles.

''I thought you were banned from the kitchen.''

Eliott laughs then sits down on a chair, showing Lucas the worktop.

''Okay, I'll have some coffee, then. Thank you, Lucas, it's nice of you to offer."

Lucas rolls his eyes but makes two coffees and sits in front of Eliott, where a plate full of pancakes and fruit is waiting for him. 

''My mother makes the best pancakes in the world," says Eliott, stretching out his arm to grab one from Lucas' plate.

Lucas smiles at him and picks one up. He has to agree with Eliott, he has never eaten such delicious pancakes. Eliott talks to him during the whole breakfast and Lucas doesn't even really realize that he is eating until he starts to get a stomachache and realizes that he has already eaten half of the plate.

He pushes the plate away and takes a sip of coffee but it makes him want to vomit. He stands up, holding his stomach, grimacing not to vomit and is about to go to the toilet but Eliott grabs his arm and and pulls him into his arms. Lucas utters a terrified scream but Eliott holds it firmly against him, almost rocking him, rubbing his back.

''You can do it, Lucas. Don't do this to yourself. Don't hurt yourself like that. You can do it, Lucas. Just let this minute go by. Just calm down and let me help you. It's all in your head. I know it doesn't feel like it, but it's in your head. Just breathe. Just let this minute go, I promise you the next minute will be less difficult. You can do this."

Lucas is breathing as calmly as he can, but he's much less calm than he would like and lets the minute go by, in Eliott's arms. Maybe his drawings are true. Maybe Eliott can help him get better. Lucas closes his eyes, trying to concentrate only on Eliott's heartbeat resonating against his ear.


	3. Disgusted

Lucas sits at the end of the couch and watches Eliott smiling as he watches the movie. He's looking at his arms, actually. How do the Demaurys manage to have such big arms? It's as if he and his father had arms made to hug someone and help them feel a little better. 

''Lucas, look, it's the best part of the movie!''

Lucas looks at the screen, resting his head against the sofa. It's not that he doesn't like the movie, but black and white movies are a bit boring so he closes his eyes, just for two seconds. 

When he reopens them, Eliott has fallen asleep on the couch. He has his head on the armrest and his legs bent in the middle seat, as if he wanted to lie down but didn't want to bother Lucas. The movie has been over for a long time so Lucas probably slept too. He quickly tells his friends that he is too tired to go out tonight, but yes, he ate this morning and this noon with Eliott and that he will eat tonight. He will meet them tomorrow to go to the skate park even if he doesn't know if he will be fit enough to skate. 

He zaps between programs and ends up falling asleep in front of a serie.

It's a door that opens that wakes him up. He doesn't have time to realize what's going on that his body is reacting for him. There's a hand on his waist that weighs his whole weight, he feels a warm breath just behind his ear and it's enough to drive him crazy.

''Stop, no! No!''

He screams before he even opens his eyes and realizes that he's no longer at the foster home and that it's not Kevin that he has just hit with all his strength in the belly with his elbow, but Eliott. Olivier enters the living room almost running and looks at them in turn, obviously not knowing who to go to first.

Eliott seems to have trouble catching his breath and stands folded in half, holding his stomach.

''I'm sorry, Eliott.''

''I'm all right.''

The sound of his voice alone tells that he's lying. Olivier walks towards Lucas and grabs his arm, gently but firmly.

''What happened, Lucas?''

Lucas shakes his head, tears flowing by themselves, the desire to vomit taking him. And then suddenly, he can no longer breathe. He raises his head to look for air but his lungs seem blocked.

''Lucas, calm down and breathe softly. It's all right, Lucas."

''No, it's not all right.'' Lucas cries between tears.

He can't see anything anymore because of the tears but he feels that Olivier is holding him and for the first time since it happened he needs to talk about it. He needs it to come out of him.

''He molested me.''

Lucas starts crying even more. He doesn't want to feel like that anymore. He doesn't want to think about it anymore. He just wants to be fine. He wants to be able to cuddle up in a guy's arms without hitting him because he's confused by his memories. Especially if that boy is Eliott. He doesn't want to hurt Eliott anymore because he's so nice with him and he's doing everything he can to help him. He wants to leave all this behind. He wants to get better. So he talks between tears, letting out everything he should have said for several days. 

''He forced me. He said that it was my fault, that I deserved it. He said that I had looked for him. He said he would kill me, but I kill myself. I feel so dirty. I just want to stop feeling like this.''

''I didn't do anything, Dad, don't look at me like that. It's not me! We just fell asleep on the couch.''

Lucas steps back and wipes his tears. He sees that Olivier looks at Eliott with a interrogator look and shakes his head immediately.

''No. Not Eliott. Not here. It was in the foster home. In my room. Kevin."

Just saying his name gives him the creeps. A first gagging surprises Lucas in the middle of his sobs. He completely detaches himself from Olivier and runs to the toilet. This time he can't hold him back, so he vomits up everything he has eaten. He vomits all his hate and anger. He vomits all his self-loathing.

After that, he takes refuge in his bed, trying to cry in silence and Olivier joins him immediately.

''You are safe, Lucas. We'll talk about that, but for now, you just need to calm down. I'm sorry, Lucas. I'm sorry you went through this. It won't go unpunished, I promise you. We're taking care of you, Lucas. You're safe here."

When Lucas wakes up, it's already Sunday morning, Liz is waiting for him in the kitchen with his breakfast ready on the table and Olivier is making him coffee.

''Isn't Eliott here?''

Olivier shakes his head gently.

''He is not very well this morning. He needs to rest. Don't worry.''

Lucas barely eats and then goes back to his bedroom, his belly was already hurting. He looks at Eliott's door and sighs. It is clear that now Eliott will never want to spend time with him again. He must be disgusted by Lucas as much as Lucas is by himself. Eliott must be mad at him for hitting him for no reason when he let Kevin do this to him without defending himself. Lucas should have defended himself better. Better to push him away instead of remaining prejudiced and letting Kevin do what he wanted. He will never be able to forgive himself for not being able to defend himself. He should have bitten him instead of letting him use it the way he wanted. He feels the tears coming up and goes to the bathroom where he makes himself vomit. He can't think of anything else but the bitter taste of the semen that filled his mouth while he was choking because Kevin was holding him too hard. 

Olivier joins him as soon as he comes out of the bathroom and gently rubs his back while Lucas cries. Lucas thinks he hears a muffled noise in Eliott's room but since it only happens once, he must have been dreaming. 

Lucas goes back to his bedroom and as he doesn't want to say anything to Olivier, the latter leaves him and it is Liz who appears as if by magic, a soft and maternal smile on her face. She takes Lucas in her arms and puts his head on her shoulder. Lucas bursts into tears and hugs her. If he closes his eyes, he has the impression that it is his mother who is holding him in her arms.

''You have to talk, Lucas. He must be punished."

Lucas nods but says nothing. He just stays against her. He doesn't know how long they'll stay like this before he can finally find the strength to talk.

''I want my mom.''

Lucas has stopped crying but the tears are flowing on their own. Liz holds him firmly and gently strokes his back.

''I know. I promise you that tomorrow I'll call her hospital and see if we can go see her.''

Lucas nods, still with his head on Liz's shoulder and closes his eyes. He is really tired, how can he really drive him crazy because he really feels like he's with his mother.

''I didn't do anything to encourage him. I don't even know how he knew I was gay. I didn't want that to happen. I know God is punishing me for that and''

''No, Lucas. God's not punishing you. Men are bad, but God has nothing to do with it."

''I didn't want this.''

Lucas falls asleep repeating that. Liz wakes him up at noon to eat and finally Eliott comes out of his room. But it is even worse than if he hadn't come to eat. During the whole meal, he doesn't look Lucas in the eyes and doesn't say a word, just keeping his jaw tight. His fingers on his right hand are bloody and Lucas can't stop wondering how he could have done this. Olivier and Liz look at each other worried and when Olivier tries to touch him, Eliott almost jumps out of his chair before leaving to lock himself in his room.

Marie, the director of the center comes around 4pm to ask Lucas to tell her what happened with Kevin, but Lucas remains silent and just stares at the wall of his room. He has already said too much. He doesn't want to think about it anymore and he doesn't want everyone to look at him with disgust.

Eliott doesn't come out of his room for the rest of the day and on Monday, Lucas goes back to school at his old high school and that, at least, does him some good. So he really tries. In the morning, he has breakfast with Liz and Olivier and at lunch he eats with his buddies. The guys check to see if he's eating well and don't let him go to the bathroom by himself, but Lucas knows they do it because they want to take care of him so he doesn't say anything and acts as if he hasn't noticed anything.

Finally, he doesn't go to the center's doctor after high school. Olivier takes him to the doctor's office on their street. Lucas feels bad because he has lost almost 1kg again and the fear of having to go back to the foster home overwhelms him but Olivier reassures him and they go back to the apartment, a new appointment is made for the following Monday.

He promises to do his best, and yet when he comes home at 6:45 pm, he really has to fight the urge to make himself vomit. Because he knows they're all waiting for answers but he can't talk about it. Because Liz tells him that he's not allowed to see his mother yet but that she has to call the doctors back on Thursday. Because Eliott apparently has a depressive episode and Lucas knows it's his fault even if Olivier says it's not. Lucas doesn't know why, but he knows it's his fault that Eliott is not well, and it makes him even worse.

''Lucas, do you want to write it down? Maybe it would be less difficult for you than talking about it?''

Liz puts a piece of paper on his desk and Lucas nods silently, but he already knows he can't do it alone.

"Can you stay with me?''

Liz nods and sits quietly on Lucas' bed. Lucas cries while writing. He tries to be as precise as possible so that nobody doesn't come to ask him any more questions. He writes what happened that Saturday night in the bedroom number 8. How Kevin threatened him and held him. How he feels bad about not being able to stop him. For letting him use him like a rag doll, too scared and shocked to be able to defend himself. 

And then suddenly he wonders if those who read this will find that he reacts too violently? Is it not that bad, since there was no anal penetration? Is it Lucas who has a problem? Shouldn't he just forget about it? Does he make a big deal out of not much?

Lucas puts down his pen and throws the paper that falls on the floor. 

''Lucas.''

Lucas turns around and looks at Liz shaking his head.

''I can't, Liz. It wasn't that bad. I'm overreacting."

Liz picks up the leaf gently.

''Can I read?"

Lucas hesitates, but nods his head. For the first time since he has been here, he sees Liz without her smile. She is obviously trying not to cry but the tears are flowing by themselves. She takes a light breath and puts the paper back on the desk.

''He raped you, Lucas. He had no right to do that and now he has to pay for it. Please, for you, for your future, write. Don't let him ruin your life any more than he already has."

Lucas picks up his pen and writes down how Kevin tried to come back the next night. The nurse will need to have a record of Kevin's passage, who probably told her that he had bumped into something. He writes down how Kevin tried to start over the night before he left, and all the threats he made to Lucas. He doesn't re-read a single line. He folds the letter in half and hands it to Liz, who takes him in her arms.

''I'm proud of you, Lucas.''

Lucas has to concentrate on breathing softly and fighting his body which tells him that he is not well and needs to vomit. He knows he needs to stop doing this to himself, but he's in so much pain everywhere that he doesn't know how to do it. Liz asks him who she can give the letter to and then goes to give it to Olivier as Lucas asks. Lucas doesn't even feel relieved. He just feels disgusted. He doesn't even try to eat that evening, already knowing that he will never be able to keep the food.

On Tuesday, he goes to class alone again, Eliott giving no sign of life. Liz and Olivier tell Lucas that it is normal and that he's fine so Lucas waits patiently. He doesn't have the heart to eat this lunch so he moves away from his buddies without them realizing it but it is Imane who catches up with him and he finds himself in the future foyer with the girls eating cakes made by Alexia. Imane watches him eat and even if he doesn't feel like it, Lucas feels almost obliged. Daphne looks at him, almost as if she understands. Lucas laughs at the horrible wall and they talk for a while about Eliott after that. 

When he comes home that night, he realizes that he has finally spent a day without fighting the urge to vomit. Until Olivier tells him that he's going to have to make an official complaint to have Kevin punished and that he'll surely have to tell what happened in person. Lucas nods but feels really bad after saying he would do it because he's not sure he can do it and he doesn't want to disappoint anyone. What if he was confronted with Kevin? He shakes his head crying and runs to the bathroom. He knows he shouldn't do that and he doesn't want to do it. He needs to get better but right now he just feels too heavy. He can't think of anything but the need to make himself vomit, trying to bring out everything that disgusts him inside.

''Lucas, stop. Please open up."

Lucas tries to control his breathing and breathes as softly as possible through his mouth, trying to calm down. 

''Lucas please, let us help you. We don't want you to go back there, but we're not going to have a choice if you keep this up."

Lucas lowers the toilet seat and sits on it and opens the latch. He can't look Olivier in the eyes but Olivier hugs him.

''That's good, Lucas. You're going to make it."

Lucas sighs. Frankly, he's not sure he can do it. He goes to bed without eating, his stomach is fed enough by fear and anxiety.

On Wednesday morning, they have two hours of philosophy class, which goes by pretty fast, and two hours of sports, but Lucas is excused so he watches his friends run and finally has a good time. Arthur and Basile prick each other's ball while they are on the same team and sometimes they throw the ball to Lucas who is sitting on the bench. Yann takes advantage of the slightest break to come and sit down towards Lucas and the teacher spends his time to calls him back on the field, until he gives up and Yann spends half of the last hour talking with Lucas.

Lucas wants to take advantage of the Wednesday afternoon off to work for the classes he missed in January, thanks to the marks Imane gave him, so he goes straight home at 12:30 after classes are over. Olivier is working today but Lucas is sure that Liz will have prepared a plate for him which will be waiting in the fridge next to Eliott's plate. Every day, there is a plate for Eliott, even if he never touches it and Lucas finds it incredible. Most parents would probably have given up, but Liz and Olivier continue to prepare food for him, patiently waiting the day Eliott will touch it.

When he opens the door of the apartment, he really doesn't expect to find Eliott in the living room, drawing, and even less to see a huge smile on his face when he sees him arrive.

''Hi. Are you all right? Lunch is in the oven, I hope you're hungry.''

Lucas blinks twice, staring at Eliott without being able to say anything. Eliott gets up and takes his bag off his shoulder before putting it on the floor.

''Are you coming to eat?"

Lucas sits down around the kitchen table and watches Eliott take a dish out of the oven before serving two plates and placing one in front of Lucas. He waves to him to eat and imitates him, placing himself in front of him. Lucas barely eats half of the plate and refuses dessert but Eliott smiles at him and beckons him to follow him into the living room. They both settle down in the sofa and Eliott grabs the remote control but does not turn on the TV.

''I'm sorry I've been away these days, it was...''

Eliott seems hesitant and it makes Lucas extremely uncomfortable so he looks down in shame.

''I understand Eliott, I disgust myself too."

Eliott immediately grabs his hands, pressing them into his own.

''You don't disgust me, Lucas. I... I have ....."

Lucas looks up to watch Eliott struggling with his words.

''Stop it, Eliott, it's normal. I get it. I'm sorry."

Eliott shakes his head.

''Don't fucking apologize. It's not your fault. You don't understand anything, Lucas. I'm angry. I'm fucking angry. I can't believe somebody would hurt you this bad. I feel like there's nothing I can do to ease the pain in you and it hurts me. I wanted to go kill him, Lucas. If my dad hadn't figured out that I had gone to go find him on Saturday night, I probably would have killed him. And you would have had to leave here and my dad would have probably lost his job. I feel like I'm making things worse so I just want you to feel better. I don't know what to do to help you, Lucas. I've gone over this a million times in my head and I just don't know what to do to make you feel better.''

Lucas leans into Eliott's space and tries to calmly think about everything Eliott has just said to him.

''Hold me. I feel better when you hold me."

Eliott holds him in his arms, promising him that he will never let him go again. Lucas doesn't really know what they mean to each other, but right now it doesn't really matter. Maybe Eliott sees him as a new little brother and, frankly, Lucas will settle for that if it keeps him in Eliott'arms. 


	4. Attracted

They stay for an hour, maybe two like that, in front of the TV, before Lucas moves. He stands up, an embarrassed smile on his face, but Eliott doesn't even seem to see it. 

Lucas takes out his textbooks, Imane's notes and settles down around the living room table to study while Eliott resumes his drawing. And that's how they spend most of the rest of the afternoon. When Liz comes home around 4pm, she gives them a huge, tender smile before disappearing into the kitchen and bringing them back a tray full of food. Lucas eats two lemon cakes without even realizing it. 

When Olivier comes home from the house, Eliott and Lucas are listening to music, in fact, it's Lucas who makes fun of Eliott's vinyls, but it's still a good moment.

''Guys, let's have a Dvd/pizza night?''

Eliott nods and disappears in search of the perfect movie while Olivier and Liz try to decide on the choice of pizzas.

''I want a Hawaiian one! With extra bacon!'' Eliott shouts from the back of his room.

''We know!" Olivier answers him in the same tone of voice, "but we want something that can really be eaten. Lucas, what do you prefer?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't care. Pizza. I don't care. But no pineapple.''

He says it with a funny wince when Eliott comes back into the living room.

''You can't make fun of the best pizza in the world.'' Eliott says, ''Okay. I have the perfect movie. I got it this weekend, but I didn't have time to watch it."

Eliott holds up an almost all-black DVD case, with a guy on his knees on a canvas and the letters in red: Pollock. 

''Oh no Eliott! I want a comedy. I love your documentaries but right now I just want something light."

Eliott grunts as he shows his DVD again.

"It's a movie, Mom, not a documentary."

"And what is it about?" asks Olivier, unconvinced.

"The life of Pollock?" answers Eliott as if it were a question.

"No way.'' answered his two parents in chorus.

"Lucas, you choose,'' says Olivier.

Eliott grabs his wrist and pulls him into his room. His bed is undone, the blanket is almost on the floor. There are clothes all over the floor, and half of the room is occupied by drawing and movie equipment.

"I'd like to be a director," explains Eliott, "in fact, I'm writing a short film, but I'm missing something to make it perfect."

Lucas nods and Eliott opens a door in his closet revealing hundreds of DVDs.

''Have you watched them all?''

Eliott smiles and nods.

''Yeah. I love movies. I really like some of the directors, so I have all their movies."

Lucas runs his finger over some of the DVDs.

''I would've pictured you in a black-and-white movie, like the one you made me watch.''

Eliott nods in agreement, opening one last door of his closet, revealing an incredible number of black and white films.

"The Kid is my favorite. I love Charlie Chaplin."

Lucas browses through the movie titles, totally stunned to see so many in someone's home.

''I didn't even know there were that many versions of Titanic. But why do you have so many?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders as if it were completely normal.

''To see the different points of view. It's great to see how the same event or story can be seen or treated in a totally different way. Look, here I have all the Romeo and Juliette-inspired movies.''

Lucas chuckles as he looks at the different titles.

''Rodeo and Juliet? Is that really from Shakespeare?"

"No." Eliott admits, "but I thought it was when I bought it. It was a bit of an impulse. Meaning that I was in a manic phase and that I also bought Gnomeo and Juliet at the same time, and Romeo Must Die, which is really not to my liking at all. On the other hand, during this episode, I managed to find the only gay version that exists, played in the theater, filmed at the Liverpool Everyman: Romeo and Julius. There is a huge debate about Shakespeare's sexuality. Some people, including the famous Oscar Wilde, think that he wrote his plays for a young actor he was madly in love with, but that he wrote the character as a woman to conform to his time. In fact, it really makes sense. At the beginning of the story, Romeo is in love with Rosaline and then he falls in love with Juliet and that causes a lot of excitement in him. But if Juliet was actually a guy, that would explain why he's so confused.''

Lucas looks at him with astonishment and Eliott stops talking.

''Shit, I got carried away. I'm sorry. You have to stop me when I talk too much."

Lucas chuckles and shakes his head.

''I love how passionate you are, you're beautiful when you talk like that.''

Lucas' cheeks turn red immediately while Eliott smiles even more.

"Thanks.''

Lucas turns to the DVDs and tries not to listen to his heart beating at 100 an hour, nor to think about what he just said. But why did he say that? He tries to pull himself together, repeating to himself inside that it always feels good when someone tells you that you're beautiful and that you're not necessarily interested. Lucas finds some women beautiful and yet he doesn't want to go out with them.

''Guys! Are you coming? The pizzas are here! Eliott, stop showing off with your millions of DVDs. I bet you tell the life of Charlie Chaplin from A to Z.''

Lucas chuckles while Eliott yells a ''Not even a step. We'll be right there" in response to his father.

"What kind of movies do you want?''

Lucas thinks and then grabs a DVD he knows well.

''This one.''

He shows him triumphant but Eliott shakes his head.

''No way. My mother asked for something light. Are you kidding, Lucas? You want us all to end up crying or what? No way I'm watching this now."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and takes the DVD with him. He won't say it's his mom's favorite love movie and that he's seen it so many times that he doesn't cry when he watches it, but that doesn't stop him from feeling the beauty of it. Nor will he say that for once he doesn't want to be the one crying in that apartment. He hands it to Liz who watches it with a "are you sure?" look, but she still puts the DVD in the player.

"Eliott! It's starting!"

Lucas chuckles a little when Eliott joins them with two boxes of tissues and his blanket. Lucas catches a coke while Eliott crosses the living room almost sulking.

''Let's be clear, I just came to check out Ryan Gosling!''

Lucas starts laughing while Eliott sits down next to him, wrapping himself in his blanket as if he were a buritos.

"Oh, Eliott..."

Lucas looks at Liz and Oliver both sitting in a huge armchair that normally should be made for one person. Liz is sitting next to Oliver but her legs are totally on top of her husband's and frankly, they look good like that. Lucas has never seen adults look so in love and it's beautiful to see.

"What, mom?'' complains Eliott ''You watch _The Notebook_ just for that too. Just to see Ryan Gosling shirtless or in the rain. At least I have the courage to admit it."

Liz laughs and Olivier rolls his eyes.

''Emma Watson is not bad either.''

Eliott shakes his head as he grabs the remote control on the coffee table.

''Sorry, but no dad, Ryan Gosling wins hands down. Now everybody just shuts up and watches Lucas' abs silently."

Lucas chokes on his coke and the drink comes out of his nose, making him shiver with laughter before he bursts out laughing as Olivier hands him a towel.

"Shit. Sorry."

Eliott rushes to wipe the coffee table full of coca, his cheeks scarlet red while Lucas takes off his sweater. And if the situation wasn't so embarrassing, Lucas would probably tease him for the color of his cheeks, but there he says nothing and just blushes at the same time.

''Ok, who wants pizza?" Olivier suggests.

Lucas spends the first twenty minutes of the film eating, while wondering if Eliott only said his first name because he was next to him or because he really has a thing for him. And if Eliott says he looks Ryan Gosling, does that mean he's gay ? Or bi? Or anything that could include that he might want to dating with Lucas? 

Lucas looks at him out of the corner of his eye for most of the movie and that's why he notices exactly when Eliott's first tear starts to flow. He doesn't even think about it and wipes it away immediately. Eliott moves a little and wraps his arms around Lucas, putting him under the blanket with him. Lucas looks at Liz and Olivier but they are both asleep so he just puts his head against Eliott's shoulder. 

It is only when an hour later, Eliott drops a huge sob that Lucas turns around to look at him.

''Fuck Lucas, I told you I didn't want to watch that, you're a pain in the ass. But why did they have to make it so sad and hard?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''Life is sad. It's hard sometimes. But it ends well.''

''It doesn't end well, Lucas. They die. They died, Lucas.''

Eliott says it as if Lucas hadn't just watched the movie so it makes Lucas smile as he shrugs his shoulders.

''They're dying together, hand in hand. They've both been through it together and they're always there for each other, no matter how hard it is or how sick they are sometimes. I think that's why my mother loved this film so much. I think that's the way love should be. We should always love each other, no matter if our family or society tells us not to, and we should love unconditionally, even if it's hard."

Eliott nods gently before gently pulling Lucas' chin to turn his head towards him.

"I love it when you talk about love like that.

Eliott looks at Lucas' lips and Lucas notices him but can only nod in response. Eliott bends over gently, keeping eye contact with Lucas.

''Honey, the movie's over.''

Lucas jumps at the same time as Eliott and it makes Olivier jump and almost knocks his wife out of the armchair.

''Fuck, guys, why are you so tense? Are you all right?"

Lucas nods, his cheeks probably scarlet. 

''Sur, Lucas?''

Lucas nods again.

''Okay, you guys are gonna have to go to bed.'' Liz yawns ''You have class tomorrow.''

''You guys go to bed, I'll clean up.'' says Olivier. 

Liz gets up but stops before leaving the living room and gives them a sweet smile.

''You're cute like that. It's good to see that you still have your big brother instincts, Eliott."

Lucas stands up, almost disappointed that they could pass for two brothers. Does Eliott just see him as just another little brother? Did Lucas just imagine that they were going to kiss? 

He reluctantly goes to his room and puts on his pyjamas before going to bed. But sleep never comes. He hears Olivier going to bed and then listens to the silence in the apartment. 

After twenty minutes, he gets up and finds himself in front of Eliott's room without even thinking. A light filters under the door so he knocks a tiny knock.

He is about to turn around when the door opens and Eliott greets him with a huge smile.

''You're not asleep?"

Eliott brings him in and waits.

"Can I close the door or do you want me to leave it open?"

Lucas looks at him and sighs.

''You can close it, Eliott. It's okay."

Eliott nods his head and gently closes the door before sitting on his bed.

''I was watching my movie, I wanted to see it so bad. Want to watch it with me?"

Lucas nods and sits on the bed next to Eliott. 

''This guy was a genius for his time. He revolutionized art."

Lucas doesn't understand much about art, but he's fine here. He put his head on Eliott' shoulder while Eliott talks about Pollock. 

''Damn Lucas!''

Lucas is startled and realizes that he had fallen asleep on Eliott. 

''What?''

''Let's do this. In the foyer. I want Pollock the high school."

Lucas raises an eyebrow, unconvinced.

"We're just throwing paint on the wall, and it's supposed to make something pretty?''

Eliott nods his head, totally sure of himself.

''What if the result is ugly?'' asks Lucas.

Eliott shakes his head.

''That's Pollock's magic, Lucas, it can't be ugly. It will just be unique. That's perfect. An explosion of colors. Oh God, this is gonna be great.''

Lucas looks at Eliott who already seems to imagine what it would be like and he is just too cute so Lucas smiles at him.

''Look. I want to do this with you. I'm sure you'll love it.''

Eliott grabs his computer, does a search in less than thirty seconds and launches a video.

''I killed my mother? Really? Is that the title of the movie?"

"Shh, Lucas, look!"

There are a multitude of paint pots on the screen and two guys. They're throwing the paint on the wall, totally out of control, but it does look pretty good actually.

''It does look fucking good.'' Lucas admits

The taller guy looks at the smaller guy in the corner of his eye and Eliott stops the video.

''See, it's so cool. Let's do this."

Lucas restarts the video.

''Hold on, I wanna see what happens.''

The two guys lie down on a piece of newspaper and kiss. 

''Yeah... we don't have to do that.'' says Eliott softly as he stops the video again.

Lucas watches Eliott shutting down his computer.

''Unless you want to.''

Eliott says it with a sigh but Lucas doesn't miss him. Eliott looks at him, almost seeming to be waiting for an answer so Lucas puts his hand on his neck and pulls him towards him so he can kiss him.

Eliott responds immediately to the kiss but does not try to deepen it. He gently caresses Lucas' cheek with his thumb, and Lucas doesn't know if he does it to reassure him or because he doesn't dare to touch him more than that but he tries not to think about it.

Eliott steps back and looks at him smiling before kissing him again, a little deeper this time. They kiss and only stop when they are out of breath, their lips swollen and their cheeks red. Eliott hugs Lucas against him and puts a delicate kiss on his neck.

"Can I sleep here?"

Eliott nods.

''You're free to leave whenever you want, Lucas, okay? Without any explanation.''

Lucas nods before lying down in front of Eliott. Their noses are touching and they smile like two idiots. Lucas tangled his legs with Eliott's and Eliott tangled their hands. Lucas watches Eliott close his eyes, he looks completely serene and ready to fall asleep in less than ten seconds.

''Eliott? How do you think we should do it?''

Eliott open his eyes and frowns.

''How do we do what?"

Lucas rolls his eyes as if it's obvious.

''If we're dating, do you think we can tell your parents? Or are they gonna freak out? Or send me in the foster home? Do you think we should hide?"

Eliott's holding him tight. 

''No one is ever gonna send you back there, Lucas, especially not my parents. Get some sleep and we'll talk about this tomorrow, okay? We'll do whatever you want but I'm sure my parents would be cool with us. And how is if we date? I want to dating with you, Lucas. I want to kiss you, hug you, show you my favorite places, spend the night watching beautiful art documentaries with you sleeping in my arms.''

Lucas smiles and gets closer so he can kiss Eliott.

''I want that too. But I would add that I also want to play piano for you."

''Of course you do. You'll play the piano, I'll draw and we'll eat my mother's cakes. We'll both be happy, Lucas, and this without having to kiss us in the pouring rain. And maybe one day you'll tell me the title of the song you played for me.

Lucas nods with a smile.

"Yeah, maybe I will."

Eliott kisses him gently before he gets back in front of him.

''Good night, Lucas, have a nice Ryan Gosling dream in the rain.''

Lucas giggles as he rolls his eyes.

''Dream good dreams of Pollock, then.''

Eliott raises his eyebrows twice, laughing.

"I'm gonna dream about you doing Pollock, babe."

Lucas smiles as he closes his eyes, his cheeks turning red.

"Eliott?"

"Mmmhh?"

Lucas takes a slight breath because he is sure he already knows the answer to his question.

''Did you stop the video because then they have sex in the painting?''

Eliott sighs slightly and caresses the top of Lucas' hand with his thumb.

''Yeah. I don't want you to think that I"

Lucas kisses him gently.

"Thanks."

Lucas falls asleep almost immediately. 

It is a cry that wakes him up with a start. His left hand is still holding Eliott's hand, who sleeps half asleep on Lucas. Eliott raises his head, barely awake, eyes still half closed and his hair disheveled and it is a vision just perfect for a morning.

''Oli! Olivier! He has disappeared".

Lucas doesn't have time to realize what is going on that the door of Eliott's room opens in a crash and Olivier looks at them both with eyes so wide open that he looks more like an owl than a bear.


	5. Accepted/Accused

The realization can be seen for a few seconds on Olivier's face before he turns his head towards the corridor with a smile on his face.

''Liz, stop searching, I found him. I'm much better at playing hide-and-seek than you are."

Liz arrives almost immediately and smiles as she looks at Lucas, sitting in Eliott's bed with crayfish cheeks, and Eliott grunting as he sits down.

''Is that okay? The show is over. Lucas is fine, cancel the GIGN. Now can we go back to bed?"

Olivier raises his eyes to the sky shaking his head.

''It's 7 o'clock, get up, classes are waiting for you.''

Liz opens her mouth then looks at Lucas and closes it again before smiling at him, as if it was perfectly normal for her to find him in her son's bed.

''We'll talk about it tonight, okay?''

Lucas just wants to thank her for being so understanding because right now he feels like he could die because he's so uncomfortable.

''Oli, let him. Come help me in the kitchen."

"Wait.'' stops Olivier while she tries to pull him by the arm. ''Just to make it clear between us, are we in a situation of brothers sleeping together, friends sleeping together or boyfriends sleeping together?''

Eliott turns to Lucas and smiles at him, visibly letting him choose, which relaxes Lucas a little, who runs a nervous hand through his hair before answering.

''Yeah, we're gonna have to say number 3, Olivier.'' answers Lucas ''Sorry.''

Olivier smiles and Liz continues to look at them tenderly so Lucas is sure she had already understood.

''Okay. We're going to have to work things out, guys. Come on, let's get ready for school, we'll talk about it tonight."

Olivier closes the door, leaving Lucas speechless.

''That's all? With how many guys have surprised you in bed for being so unsurprised?"

Eliott bursts out laughing, pretending to be offended at the same time.

"None, you're the only one."

Lucas rolls his eyes, sighing, not believing a word.

''I swear, you're the only one. I think he just knew I had a crush on you the minute I saw you."

''Are you talking about the moment I fainted? Oh, yeah, what a great moment!"

Eliott shakes his head and smiles.

"No. Actually, I saw you before that."

Lucas frowns and Eliott kisses him where his skin wrinkles, just above his nose.

''What? Where? When?"

''In December. On the last day of school, I came to the high school to meet the principal for my transfer. You were coming out of the building with the guys. You were talking and you didn't even see me. But I saw you, and since then I've only thought about you, Lucas. If you knew how many nights I spent hoping that you weren't straight. When I arrived in January, I looked for you and Alex in my class told me your name was Lucas and that you had left. I was really sad and then Dad talked about you. It couldn't be a coincidence. And then I got to know you and you surprise me day by day, Lucas, you're just amazing."

Lucas puts a hand on the back of Eliott's neck and pulls him towards him to kiss him.

''Guys! High school!"

Lucas smiles in the kiss and gets out of bed first. This time, he takes a hot shower but he doesn't wait for the heat to burn his skin. 

They take their breakfast all three of them, Olivier having already left for work wishing them a good day then Eliott and Lucas leave together to go to the high school.

''Yeah! Eliott!'' shouts Basile when they see them.

Eliott and Lucas join Basile, Emma, Imane, Alexia and Arthur who have already arrived.

''Finally! We missed you, man."

Eliott hits him with his fist, provoking a huge smile from Basile.

''Lucas! Eliott!"

Lucas turns around to see Daphne who almost runs towards them.

''Finally! Where were you Eliott? I want the foyer repainted next Wednesday at 1pm. I have the agreement of the principal. Are you ready to do it?''

Eliott nods with a huge smile.

''I had a wonderful idea. Lucas and I watched a movie about Pollock last night, and frankly"

"It must be weird for you to have a brother at home like that?" asks Basile while Lucas greets Yann who is arriving.

"Lucas will never be my brother."

Silence is kept in their group around Eliott and Lucas understands that it sounds rather badly put that way.

''It's not at all what you think." Eliott defends himself while the whole group looks at him. "It's just that I would never see him as a brother.''

''Yeah, that's understandable.'' says Yann ''We can't pretend to be brothers just because we live under the same roof.''

Lucas looks at Eliott and Eliott nods gently so he takes a slight breath.

''Actually." says Lucas, smiling, "Eliott is my guy.''

Eliott puts his arm around Lucas' shoulders and kisses him tenderly as all his friends start to scream with joy.

Eliott kisses him when the bell rings, and frankly Lucas is happy. At lunchtime they eat together and Lucas really eats for once.

Since that day, the classes seem easier, the meals better, and especially the nights are really better since he sleeps in Eliott's arms. Olivier and Liz didn't even try to forbid them to do it, knowing that they would meet in the night. They spoke all four of them and Lucas is certain that Olivier spoke at greater length with Eliott while he was taking his shower but he does not prefer to imagine what he could have said to him.

When Lucas looks at himself in the bathroom mirror, he feels like he changes from day to day. He has more cheeks and his bones are not so prominent anymore. 

Every Monday for the past seven weeks, the doctor has confirmed to him that he is on the right track and his weight continues to go up. Lucas filed a complaint against Kevin, through what he wrote and that was enough. He has been able to visit his mother three times, and Liz has accompanied him each time. It's difficult, but she's doing her best and Lucas understands that because he does the same.

With Eliott, it's just wonderful. They've been dating for six weeks and they sleep together every night. Eliott was right: Lucas plays the piano, Eliott draws or studies and they watch movies, hugging each other. They go out with their friends, and Eliott has even reconnected with Idriss and Sofiane during a party. He keeps saying that it is thanks to Lucas and that he is a blessing.

The only thing that is wrong is their privacy. Lucas blames himself for not being able to get naked with Eliott, but so far he can't. They caress each other but Lucas can't manage to take off his boxer shorts, preferring just to lower them. He had several panic attacks at first but Eliott always comforted him, swearing that he didn't care if they waited and kissing him tenderly. Lucas really wants more with Eliott, but he just can't and it frustrates him. He feels like a wounded bird and he hates it, but Eliott seems to accept it so easily that Lucas tries to accept it as well that he needs time.

Apart from this shadow, they are happy. Lucas is really happy. Life with the Demaurys is just perfect.

And frankly, Lucas even surprises himself to think that the whole story is behind him.

And then one Tuesday, everything changes. 

Lucas is startled when during his last class, the secretary comes to pick him up and tells him to get his things. 

He picks up his bag, shrugging his shoulders at the worried looks of his friends and leaves the classroom without knowing why. It is only when he sees Olivier accompanied by Marie, the director of the foster home that he understands and immediately stops walking. She must have found out that Lucas and Eliott are a couple and comes to take her from the Demaury's house. He was certain it would happen. 

Olivier shakes his head and comes to him.

''Not a word about your relationship, Lucas, okay?''

Lucas nods silently. They agreed that it was better that the director of the foster home did not know because she might want to take Lucas out of the Demaury home and that is the opposite of what they want. The director joins them and looks at Lucas with a hard look on her face.

''Are you ready, Lucas?''

Lucas frowns.

''Ready for what?"

''To press charges. They want to confront your versions, we have to take you to the police station."

Lucas shakes his head, barely swallowing, taking a step back.

''I'll be with you.'' promises Olivier, grabbing his arm as if to prevent him from running away. ''You won't see him but you have to speak with the police officer, Lucas.''

Lucas nods and lets them take him to the police station. A woman makes him sit in a room with a camera and a computer. 

''Lucas, I know you wrote it all down, but we have to record your statement out loud, so you can just read what you wrote if you want and then we'll talk about it, okay?"

Lucas nods and reads word for word what he's written, as if it were a simple text, but at the end of the third line he breaks down and bursts into tears. 

''He says it's a false accusation so if you made it all up, you might as well say it now.''

Lucas leaps to his feet, all the anger overwhelms him.

''Of course he wasn't going to tell the truth. He fucking forced me. What do you want to hear? That he caressed me and told me I was going to like it, that he was the first one to touch me like that, and I didn't want it to be like that. I wanted to fall in love, I wanted to be with a guy who would tell me that he loves me and that I'm amazing. And now I can't even imagine being naked with another guy without panicking. During days I've been throwing up or throwing up because I feel like I've got the taste of his sperm in my throat''.

The policewoman signals him to sit back down but Lucas doesn't do it. Instead he walks to the end of the room.

''Why didn't you fight back? Why didn't you bite him? Why didn't you scream? What we don't understand is how it could have happened in the middle of the foster home when there are watchmen present.''

Lucas is shaking his head when he understands that this policewoman thinks he made it all up. It hadn't happened for a while, but the huge ball in his throat immediately resurfaces.

''Because I was scared to death. I fought back the other two times. Ask the nurse, ask Claire, I spent my last night with her in the living room because I was scared. But this first time, I was scared and too shocked to react. He held his pillow over my face at first and then he held me too hard, choking me with his dick so I could scream. He told me that he would kill me, and that I deserved it. He broke me and you ask me why I didn't react? You asked him why he did that?''

The policewoman nods her head, without any emotion on her face and Lucas looks away because it's too hard to look. It's as if she doesn't care.

''He says you consented. Why didn't you say anything right away? Why didn't you tell Claire that night?'' 

Lucas shakes his head with tears in his eyes.

''I was ashamed. I was afraid that they wouldn't believe me or that they would punish him and he make me pay. But I never consented. Not for one second."

"You're gay, Lucas, aren't you?"

Lucas hesitates, then gently nods.

''So what proof do we have that you didn't consent? It's your word against his, actually. You have no photo of wound marks, no proof of what happened."

Lucas kicks the chair he was sitting on at first and it crosses the room before toppling over.

"Oh, calm down!"

''So what? To every woman who is raped, you ask her if she's straight? Do you ask her if she filmed her rape? Do you treat me like this because I'm a guy?"

The policewoman looks at him without answering and it makes her even more angry.

''It's not a question of guys or girls, it's just a question of victim and aggressor. He abused me. He raped me. He ruined my life. I'm not even 17 years old and I'm going to be scarred for the rest of my fucking life. How can you turn the situation around like that and look in the mirror in the morning? Fucking cops! I hate you!"

Lucas hits the wall with all his might and a policeman comes in and slams him against the wall.

"I want to go home."

Lucas bursts into tears, shaking his whole body.

''I want to leave! Let me go! Holy shit, get off me.''

The policeman lets him go and opens the door. Lucas runs out and rushes into the hall where Olivier is waiting for him. Olivier holds him tight but Lucas moves around, unable to stay in place.

''I want to go home. Now. I have to get out of here.''

Olivier gives him the keys of the car, asking him to wait for him there before going to meet the policemen. Lucas puts the keys on the counter and runs out of the police station. He runs up the street and stops to vomit in the first available garbage can. He can't run anymore so he walks as fast as he can. He rings the bell at the bottom of the building and Eliott's voice doesn't even make him feel better. He goes up the two floors and throws himself in his arms as soon as he opens the door.

''Where you been, baby? The guys told me that you''

''Shttt. Hold me, Eliott.''

Eliott does it, no questions asked, and takes him to the couch in the living room, keeping him close. Lucas hears him talking on the phone, confirming to his father that he's home and Lucas feels all his anger bubbling to the surface. He detaches himself from Eliott and locks himself in the bathroom. 

''Lucas! Lucas, no, please."

Lucas doesn't even hear it anymore. He vomits his anger, vomits his disgust for this shitty society. He's the victim, but it's up to him to prove it. He'll never be able to prove it. It's just disgusting.

''Lucas, please, let me help you.''

Lucas sits on the toilet crying. Now he feels even worse because he hears Eliott's panicked voice. He shouldn't have to put up with all this. What if Lucas' behaviour worried Eliott so much that he falls back into a depressive episode again? Lucas could never forgive himself for making Eliott suffer like that.

''I'm sorry, Eli.''

He hears the front door slam but he knows that Eliott hasn't moved.

''Open up please. I just want to hold you, babe."

Lucas opens the door crying and Eliott's holding him.

''You'll be okay, babe, I promise.''

Eliott puts him down on his bed and is about to leave but Lucas pulls him towards him.

''Please stay.''

Eliott just picks up the blanket left on the floor and lies down facing Lucas, gently caressing his face.

''I'm here, Lucas, I'm not going anywhere.''

Lucas grabs Eliott's hand and holds it in his while he falls asleep. When he wakes up on Wednesday morning, he just wants to die. He feels horrible. 

Eliott sleeps so Lucas gets up without waking him up. Liz smiles tenderly at him when he joins her in the kitchen. He sits down and takes his cup of coffee in his hands but makes no gesture to drink it.

''Lucas, tell us how to help you?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''Honestly, I don't know. I don't think I'm worth it."

''Don't say that, damn it!''

Liz is startled and looks at Eliott with a frown.

''Let him say what he's feeling, Eliott. You don't have to judge him."

Eliott shakes his head before looking at Lucas.

''Never say that, Lucas, of course you're worth it. Never give up."

Lucas looks at him, empty-eyed, as he drops his cup before going to his room, even though he hasn't slept there for weeks, closing the door behind him.

The door opens slowly half an hour later and Eliott gently kisses him on the shoulder.

''I have to go to class but one word from you and I'll stay, okay?''

Lucas continues to stare at the wall silently so Eliott kisses him a second time on the shoulder.

"Send me a single text message and I'm going home. Love you, babe."

Olivier comes to watch him all day and brings him food but each time Lucas hardly eats any and makes himself vomit right after and then cries while lying back in his bed. 

When Eliott comes home from school, Lucas hears his parents tell him that he is not well and that they don't know what to do and Lucas starts crying when Eliott comes to sit next to him.

''Please, baby, please try to get better for me.''

Lucas wants to tell him he's trying. He's really trying. But he's disgusted. He's disgusted to live. He can't believe they call him a liar. He wants to tell Eliott that none of this has anything to do with him but he can't even talk. 

Eliott spends all day Thursday with him but it's even worse because seeing him suffer adds guilt to Lucas. He really wants to get better for Eliott, to show him that he loves him, but it's hard. The words and the face of the policewoman come back to him as soon as he closes his eyes and as soon as he falls asleep, he feels like he's back in room 8. When he wakes up at 5:00 p.m. and hits Eliott before he realizes what he's doing, he yells at him to leave but Eliott holds him tight and Lucas spends a moment crying in his arms, feeling like it's completely broken again. He feels that he will never be able to feel anything but that feeling.

But when Lucas gets up on Friday morning, he really wants to try to get better, for Eliott. He joins Liz, Eliott and Olivier in the kitchen and eats a slice of bread while drinking half a glass of juice. But an hour after eating, he feels bad. His whole body hurts and he needs to make himself vomit. He doesn't really know why, but he needs to do it. 

Liz went to work and Olivier went to the pharmacy to get some hypercalorific drinks to keep Lucas from losing too much weight again. Lucas knows they are alone so he gets up from the couch but Eliott grabs his arm. 

''No, Lucas.''

Lucas tears his arm off violently but Eliott grabs it again before he leaves the living room.

''No, Lucas! Stop it! Don't do this to yourself! Why are you hurting yourself? Why should I have to watch you suffer? Why are you hurting me like this?"

Lucas shakes his head and cries.

''It has nothing to do with you, damn it. I'm trying, Eliott, but you're asking too much of me."

Eliott's holding him in his arms, right in the middle of the hallway, just like he did the first time.

''Let this minute go by, babe. I swear, it'll get better after this. Just for a minute."

He gently cradles Lucas, rubbing his back but it only reinforces Lucas' guilt because he knows that he makes Eliott suffer.

''I'm sorry, Eliott. I love you."

That's the first time he's ever said that. He didn't want to say it like that, crying in Eliott's arms. And yet it sounds like a release, so Lucas almost screams it.

''I fucking love you. I know I'm hurting you, but I love you."

''I love you too, Lucas. And that's why it hurts so much."

''I'm doing the best I can.''

Eliott starts crying, holding Lucas close to him.

''I feel like I'm watching you kill yourself and I can't do anything about it."

Lucas hugs Eliott and starts sobbing.

''You knew I was screwed, Eliott, it's got nothing to do with you. I don't blame you for your disease, don't blame me for mine.

Eliott steps bak and has Lucas in a position where he can look at him.

''Then accept that you need help, Lucas. Don't let this asshole come between us any more than he already is."

Lucas opens his eyes and pushes Eliott away before running to lock himself in the bathroom. 

''Lucas, I didn't mean that! Open up!"

Lucas looks at his reflection in the mirror and utters a heart-rending cry, a mixture of anger and hatred as he hits the mirror, which shatters into pieces.

"Lucas!"

Lucas picks up the pieces of glass that have fallen into the sink and looks at his wrists. 

"Lucas, I love you so much. Please don't let me fall. I know you are doing your best and I am really proud of you. I love you, Lucas."

''He destroyed me and they think I'm lying!'' screams Lucas "They think I'm lying!"

''I know, baby. They're assholes. We'll get a lawyer if we have to. I'll kill him myself if it'll help you, but don't hurt yourself, babe."

Lucas presses the glass against his wrist, a drop of red blood gushing out almost immediately.

''Lucas, just think about us. Think about how we painted the foyer. How happy you were, covered in paint among all the people you care about. Think about your friends, how much they love you. You're not alone."

''I wish I could have made love to you in the paint, Eliott. You were so beautiful with all those colors. I wish it was just the two of us having sex like in that weird movie. I want to have sex with you for weeks but I can't do it. I may never be able to do it and you accept this when you have done nothing. I don't want this, Eliott. I want to be normal."

Lucas has so many tears in his eyes he can't even see the blood falling on the bathroom tile. All he feels is the pain rising as he presses down, reminding him he's alive and it's almost exhilarating.

''I don't care about sex, Lucas. You show me that you love me every time you hold me in your arms, every time you kiss me. Every time you go through one of my episodes with me. Every time you look at me, I know that you love me, and that's better than making love. We'll do it when you're ready but right now I just need you to open that door and let me help you. Please, babe, let me hold you and take some of your pain away. You don't deserve to suffer."

Lucas blinks and looks at the blood coming from his wrist. He lets go of the shattered glass on the floor in a shattering sound that echoes throughout the apartment.

''Lucas? Lucas? Fuck!"

"I did something stupid."

Lucas grabs a towel and squeezes it on his wrist while Eliott knocks on the door, asking him to open it. The white turns pink immediately and he unlocks the door in a panic. 

"I did something stupid. I didn't mean to do it."

Eliott pulls him out of the bathroom and lifts the towel and then puts it back on with a lot of pressure, pulling Lucas to lie down on the bed.

''It's okay, babe. I'm gonna... I'm gonna."

''Don't say it, Eliott. They're gonna get me out of here. They're gonna send me back there. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Eliott's got Lucas against him, breathing heavily. 

''We're gonna make it, babe. I take care of you."

Finally, Eliott puts strips on Lucas' wrist and the bleeding subsides. Olivier starts to shout when he returns hardly five minutes later.

''What happened in the bathroom?''.

Lucas panics and Eliott gets up, standing between him and his father.

''It's me. I was angry, I broke the mirror. I'm gonna go pick it up and clean it up, I'm sorry."

Olivier looks at him and shakes his head and pushes him away, but Eliott pushes him away harder.

''Leave it, Dad. We'll handle it. It's going to be all right. I promise."

Olivier looks at Lucas, really worried.

''Eliott, it's not yours to manage. Lucas, did you hurt yourself? Voluntarily?"

Lucas nods gently before shaking his head.

''I don't want to leave here. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

Eliott almost jumps on the bed to come over and give him a hug.

''Nobody's gonna take you away from here, Lucas. You will never leave. Not without me."

Olivier looks at them and sighs softly.

''I should talk about it, Lucas, but I don't want to. Show me, please."

Lucas stretches out his wrist without leaving Eliott's arms and Olivier sits on the bed.

''What do we do now, then?'' asks Olivier with a sigh.

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and Eliott gently caresses his cheek.

''It's going to go, babe. You're going to make it. We're going to help you. I'll give you my appointment tonight if you want. This could be a good start, right?

Lucas looks at Eliott, trying to smile. Eliott has twice a month an appointment with his therapist on Friday nights.

"I'll call her if you're up for it, Lucas."

Lucas nods gently as he snuggles up to Eliott.

''That's good, babe. You're gonna make it. We're gonna make it. I'm always gonna be here."

Lucas knows his way to the therapist's office by heart because he often picks up Eliot after his appointment. But today, when he goes there, he's almost shaking so much he's anxious. 

And it's clear that he wasn't expecting this. 

She's in her thirties and she greets him with a huge smile. She unrolls a kind of carpet on the table in front of Lucas, which is actually a piano. Lucas presses a key just to try it and the sound almost makes him jump. 

"Some patients like to keep their hands busy when they talk. You can imagine that some people like to draw, but someone told me that you like to play. So you can play, whatever you want."

Lucas plays for Eliott, because maybe he can hear him in the waiting room and then he stops, he takes a deep breath and he talks about his mother. About when his life took a wrong turn. He says how guilty he feels for not seeing how bad she was and not being able to stop her from hurting herself. He tells her about foster home, about Kevin, and plays when it's too hard not to cry. He talks about the police who call him a liar. He talks about the pain he's been in ever since and the need to make himself vomit. He talks about his blockages with Eliott, and the anger it causes deep down inside.

He comes out of the office completely lost. The therapist's words echo in his head and he doesn't know what to think.

_''I think you want to control your body because you couldn't do it that night, Lucas. You need to make sure that it's your body and that you can control it. That's why you make yourself throw up and you can't let go with your boyfriend. And I think it makes you feel better to know that there are people out there who want to stop you from getting hurt. You need to make sure you're not alone. You have always been alone with your mother so you felt abandoned and you need to know that even if she is not there, you are not alone. We just need to help you find other ways to deal with this, okay?''_

Lucas thinks about it all night long on a loop. He's never thought of it like that before, and even though he feels like a temperamental kid in need of attention, it reassures him to understand why he's doing this. He needs to find a way quickly to stop making Eliott suffer, that's the most important thing.

"Babe, you want to talk about it?"

Lucas turns to Eliott and shakes his head before gently kissing him. Eliott strokes his hair before pulling him towards him to hug him.

"I love you so much, Lucas."

Lucas huddles up to Eliott and closes his eyes. He spends the night in Eliott's arms trying to find a way to make him suffer less.

And that's exactly why he fills his bag without a sound the next morning while everyone is still asleep. He takes one of Eliott's hooded sweaters with him and leaves his _Romance_ sweater in plain sight for Eliott. He sighs as he looks at the still-sleeping apartment and then puts his phone on the entrance cabinet, along with his key ring and a letter for Liz and Olivier before closing the door with tears in his eyes but with the feeling that he made the right decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't figure out how to cut this chapter...so it's just huge....
> 
> I'm not anti-cop...but in France, the numbers speak for themselves, unfortunately. For rapes with a known assailant, for 72% of the cases, the offence lacks evidence and there is no possible prosecution.  
> So ok, my policewoman lacks a lot of empathy, but maybe it was to make her admit that he was lying, or maybe it was just because she's like that on a daily basis and Lucas just didn't have a chance to run into her. I let you decide...
> 
> I'm sorry if this chapter saddens you, but I think it's important to show that sometimes you think everything is fine, but the wounds are still there. And sometimes, even with the best will in the world, you don't know how to get better.
> 
> now, the question is : what Lucas is doing????


	6. Reassembled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're a little lost at the beginning of this chapter, it's normal...we took a little leap in time...but everything will soon clear up!

Lucas puts his hands on the keyboard and plays with his eyes closed. Madison plays with him and it makes him smile. He really missed playing with someone else. He finishes his piece, already thinking about what he's going to play next, but he doesn't have time for his first name to resonate throughout the piece, as he expected.

''Lucas, it's time.''

Lucas looks at Liliane who smiles at him. She vaguely reminds him of Liz, even though she's brown. But she also lights up the room every time she comes in, so Lucas likes her, just for that. And then, she is always sweet with him. And maybe that's why Madison starts to play another song and Lucas joins her, smiling. He doesn't look at his hands, he just looks at the wonderful smile on Madison's face and he feels a little less stressed. 

''Lucas. You know he's going to pick you up if you're late."

Madison kisses Lucas on the cheek.

''Courage, Lulu!''

"No touching, Madison."

Lucas puts his hand on her shoulder, gently caressing it.

"Lucas! What did I just say?"

Lucas looks at Liliane and sighs.

"This rule sucks."

When it was explained to him that he was not allowed to have any contact between patients, Lucas said that he didn't care. He didn't want to mix with others anyway. He thought he would never meet anyone he wanted to touch. And then he met Madison the day after he got here. She walked into his room uninvited, a big smile on her face, her blonde hair made her look even younger than she really did. Frankly, without the thinness of her face and the tube coming out of her nose, one would almost wonder why she's here.

''Hi, I'm Madison, I'm in the next room. It's nice to see an anorexic guy, I was tired of only seeing girls. Girls are annoying always talking about their weight and always thinking they're too fat. My weight isn't the problem so I hope it's the same for you. I have anorexia depression."

Lucas found himself smiling at her without really thinking about it.

''No, it's not my weight my problem, but I am not anorexic, I don't know what's wrong with me.''

Madison came and sat on his bed, right in front of him, bending her legs underneath her.

"Don't worry, Dr. Frira will tell you soon enough. He should already know what you have. He's really nice. You'll see, the hardest thing is to say it out loud, but then it gets better. I've been here for three weeks, but it's only been 8 days since I accepted my anorexia. For me, anorexia only affected girls who were obsessed with their looks, but no, there are many forms of it.''

''I'm not anorexic.'' repeated Lucas while sulking.

''Okay. Then why are you here?"

Lucas shrugged.

''I'm...I make... Please, let me go. I just want to be alone.''

Madison raises an eyebrow as she looks at him.

''To be alone so you can better think about why you came here. I'm tired of being alone. Okay, how old are you?"

''I'll be seventeen in July.''

Madison looked at him surprised before she smiled.

''Hell, I didn't give you 15, you look like a baby. I'm 15."

Lucas smiled as he looked at her.

''You look like a baby too.''

Madison shrugs her shoulders and laughs.

''Yeah, I know. It's 'cause of this fucking gastric tube cause I don't eat alone. If my sister were here, she would make fun of me and say that I'm being tube fed again like we were born. That will never happen because my twin sister died in a car accident and I can't live without her. I should have died with her, you understand, that's what I'm here for.''

Lucas looks at Madison, still sitting on the piano bench next to him, remembering how she broke down in tears after that, and then she dried her tears and said, _''Damn, that felt good. You'll see, soon it will do you good to cry about what happened to you too."_ It's clear that she was right on this point.

She looks so much better today than she did three weeks ago. It's probably going to be a long road for her, but it's a long road for everyone here. And the worst part is that this shit doesn't magically stop when we get out of here.

''Come on Lulu! You're gonna rock." Madison yells as he leaves the room "I believe in you. I want to see Eliott!"

Lucas smiles at her but he already has tears in his eyes. As every time he thinks or talks about Eliott. 

''Me too, damn it!''

Tomorrow, it will be three weeks since Lucas has not seen Eliott. Since he left the apartment on Saturday morning and went to the psychiatric emergency room to ask for his internment.

Since then, he has been trying not to think about how Eliott felt when he woke up and discovered that Lucas was gone. As he walks up the hallway beside Liliane, he thinks back to the letter he left on the pillow next to Eliott. It took him more than an hour to write it, while he watched Eliott sleep peacefully. He remembers every word as if he had written it yesterday.

_My love,_

_Do not panic. I'm not going to do anything stupid. Tell your father to cancel the GIGN. But yes, I left and I hope that you will understand me and forgive me for having done so. I could never have left watching you be sad to see me go. I could never have told you to your face that no, you can't help me, my love. We can never be a happy couple if I'm not well. And I'm not well. I'm hurting myself, and I'm hurting you. I don't want to hurt you so I had to leave, I'm going to go to the hospital to stop hurting myself and stop hurting you. I told you I'm doing my best and I promise I will._  
_I would understand if you didn't wait for me. I just want you to be happy, Eliott._  
_I love you,_

_your broken-hearted hedgehog._

''Lucas! You're ten minutes late."

Lucas sighs and enters the exam room, nervously rubbing his hands together. He undresses without even waiting for someone to tell him to do so and climbs on the scales with his eyes closed. It's totally silly, because the weight is on the doctor's desk and not on the scale, but he's been doing this every time since he's been there.

''How are you feeling, Lucas?''

Lucas finishes getting dressed, sniffs Eliott's sweat a little when he puts it on, even if it hasn't smelled for a long time and sits in a chair.

''I'm scared. I'm scared that you're going to tell me that I've reached our goal and I can get out. I'm afraid that I'm afraid that the outside world will continue without me and that I've lost what I left behind. I'm afraid of relapsing.''

The doctor looks at Lucas and nods.

''Unfortunately, I can't tell you that it won't happen. Many of our patients come back several times. But that's okay, Lucas. It's not about how many times you have relapsed. What matters is that each time you won't give up. And if you have to come back here, it doesn't matter."

Lucas sighs. He wishes it was just a lot easier than that.

''You've been through a trauma, Lucas. You have to learn to live with it. Now the important question is : Are you ready to get out?"

Lucas closes his eyes and nods gently.

''I think I am. I hope so."

"If you go out, you'll have to tell him, Lucas. Are you ready to tell him?"

Lucas nods in response.

The doctor smiles gently and pulls a letter from a drawer.

''The world continued to go on without you, Lucas. You received the first one the day of you arrived here and he comes here every day even though we just tell him we are not allowed to give him any information about your health."

Lucas looks at the raccoon drawn on the envelope and starts crying when he gets up.

''No, Lucas. You stay and read here."

Only then does Lucas notice that the envelope has been opened. Of course it was. It's obvious that he has no right to have mail that is not read, he should have thought of that. 

Lucas traces the drawing of the raccoon with his finger. He simply carries a letter in his hands, his face sad but trying to smile and Lucas imagines Eliott so much like that: sad, but trying not to show it to Lucas.

 _I don't even know how to begin this letter. I'm standing in the lobby of the hospital and they won't let me come see you. They told me that they would give this letter to your doctor for he reading it and that he will decide when to give it to you so it's hard to know what to write. I feel like I let you down Lucas. I feel like I haven't been good enough_ _strong for you, for not being able to help you, so I'm really sorry for that._

_The most important thing is that I want to tell you that I'm proud of you and that I love you._

_Honestly, I don't know what else to say, Lucas. I think I'm still in shock about your decision. I'm not crazy or angry, I'm just sad that I couldn't help you, but I'm glad you found another way forward._

_I don't know why you doubt, but I will always be waiting for you, Lucas. We may not have a house with blue shutters, but we will have a room with full Pollocker walls. I will wait for you, no matter how long it takes before you come back._

_I love you with all my heart,_

As a signature, there is a raccoon sending a kiss. 

Lucas sighs and shakes the letter in his hand. He would never have believed that Eliott could write so much, he who always says that he is not good with words and that's why he draws.

"How do you feel, Lucas?"

Lucas clears his throat to try to get rid of the emotion.

''I'm fine. I feel really lucky actually, but I'm going to have to explain to him that it wasn't his fault that he couldn't help me."

The doctor nods and then pulls out a huge wad of letters.

''You're actually pretty lucky, this Eliott is really caring. He's brought one every day for the last three weeks. I'll let you read them in your room, but I want you to read this one here because I want to make sure you can handle the shock."

The doctor takes the letter that's on the top and hands it to Lucas. There's always this cute raccoon with an envelope in his arms as if he were a messenger.

''He brought it last Saturday.''

_My Lucas,_

_Everybody tells me I should stay away and give you time but I don't want to. I want to be with you. I want to hug you and never let you go again. Actually no, I want you to hold me and never let me go again._  
_Of course, I've been thinking about how I could sneak out in the middle of the night to join you and give you a hug. I imagined stopping my treatment so that I could be hospitalized with you, but don't worry, I didn't do it._

_I want you to be fine, so I just respect your choice and I really hope I can hear from you soon. I don't even know if you're reading these letters, if you're looking at my hopeful drawings, but you're doing it and it's helping you, even just a little bit, I'll never stop. I will wait for you, no matter how many minutes I have to let go before I can see you again._

_I love you with all my heart,_

This time, the raccoon holds out his heart as a signature and Lucas frowns because the letter doesn't stop there.

_I don't know if it will help you to know, but Dad made Kevin confess what he did to you while he was wearing a microphone, like in the movies, so the police arrested him and he's in a closed home awaiting trial. Two other boys, who shared a room with him before you, filed complaints with the police as well too. Mom has contacted the sister of one of her friends who is a lawyer and if you still want, she will defend you._

_You, the doctor who is taking care of my boyfriend, if you think he shouldn't read this, cut this part off, but please just let him read my love for him. I just want him to know that he is not alone and that I love him. I'll keep coming every day, even if you don't give me any news (which is disgusting because I'm his family! I'm his so he's my family.). I want to help him, I just need someone to tell me how to do it._

_Take care of him._

Lucas grabs a tissue and nods.

''Why didn't you cut it off to give me the start?''

''You needed to find yourself. That's our policy. No contact with the outside world. What do you think?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. I had almost accepted the fact that he would never be prosecuted for what he did to me, so frankly, I don't know. I'm going to let the lawyer help me and we'll see. But I feel relieved that he's in a closed home so he can't hurt another guy anymore.''

The doctor nods before giving the other 18 envelopes to Lucas.

''You've reached your goal, Lucas, you weigh 51kg550 and we're all in agreement to let you go this weekend and see how it goes. You spend a quiet weekend with Eliott and his parents and come back here on Monday at 9am. What do you think?''

Lucas nods and the doctor hands him the discharge papers that he had apparently already filled out.

''Olivier Demaury is still your official guardian. He has to come and sign the papers and you can leave. I called him in the early afternoon to work out the practical details with him, I'll call him to tell him that you can officially go out."

Lucas nods and leaves the office. He immediately requests permission to go to the second floor. 

He knocked gently at the door of his mother's room, who greeted him with a huge smile.

''I guess you've come to tell me you're going out?''

Lucas nods and hugs her.

''I'm on leave for the weekend.''

His mother strokes his back before looking at him and smiling softly.

''That's good. You were always stronger than me. You're gonna make it, Lucas. And I'm gonna make it, too. I'm gonna get out of here, I promise.''

Lucas stays with her for a little while before going to his room to get his things together. But instead of doing so, he sits on his bed and opens Eliott's letters, in the order of their arrival, while hoping that Olivier and Liz don't blame him for having left like that and that they still want it at home. This is what scares him the most: that Olivier announces to him that he can no longer live with them and that he must return to the foster home. He knows he broke his promise to the Headmistress, promising to get better and not to bullshit, but he really hopes she will let him live with the Demaurys, seeing how hard he try to go better.

''Lucas? I was told you were leaving?"

Lucas looks at Madison and smiles.

''News travels fast. I'm allowed to go out, but I'll be here Monday morning."

Madison walks into his room and jumps on his bed to sit down before pointing at the envelopes.

"Oh no! He wrote all this for you! Oh, God, I really want to meet him! What's he saying?"

He puts the letter that came yesterday in the envelope.

''It depends. That he loves me. That he hopes I'm okay. That he feels lonely. Sometimes there is just a drawing but it's enough for me to see how much he loves me."

Madison takes a huge smile.

''This guy's just so perfect, I'm totally jealous. I'm gonna spend the weekend looking forward to Monday so you can tell me all about it. I can't wait to see him for real. No better, I want to get out of here to meet my Eliott."

Lucas hugs Madison, even though it's forbidden, and gently kisses her temple.

''Are you going to be okay, Madi?''

The blonde smiles while nodding her head and they stay there, in silence.

''I"m going to be okay. I'm going to have to get used to being without you because you already have one foot outside. Just promise me that your reunion will be magical! I need to dream. ''

Lucas looks at her and smiles.

''I promise.''

A knock rings at the door and Lucas is startled when he sees Olivier and Liz. He goes towards them, and Liz opens her arms wide.

''I missed you so much, Lucas. I can't wait to take you home."

She holds Lucas so tightly that she almost digs her nails into his arm and Lucas understands what Eliott meant: Liz is really a she-wolf who needs to protect her cubs and bring them back to her den.

"We are really proud of you, Lucas," says Olivier softly, "but we really missed you. Are you ready to go home?"

"Can I come back to your place?"

Olivier smiled tenderly at him and really, Lucas had missed it.

“You belong with us, Lucas. Of course you can come back, if that's what you want. ''

Lucas nods, goes to give Madison a hug and kiss, and she makes him promise to tell her everything on Monday, which he does not promise. But Madison smiles at him as she greets him, knowing full well that she'll be able to get him to talk. Because when Lucas starts talking about Eliott, he can't stop.

It's only when the three of them get in the car,that Lucas realizes that it looks a lot like his first visit to the Demaurys. Except the first time was in January and it was sunny, and now it's early April and raining. Lucas watches the drops slide down the car window before daring to ask the question that burns his lips.

''Eliott?''

Liz smiles as she turns around.

''He has an appointment with his therapist. He doesn't know, Lucas."

"I want to go get him."

Olivier nods and twenty minutes later they arrive in the street of Eliott's therapist. In spite of the pouring rain, Lucas sees Eliott leaving the building immediately, his head down, pulling his hood over his head. He's wearing the _Romance_ sweatshirt that Lucas left him, and it makes his heart jump in Lucas' chest.

''Olivier, stop.''

Olivier stops the car and Lucas gets out before it is completely immobilized.

''Eliott.''

Eliott is startled and drops the bag he was holding in his hands before running towards him. Lucas joins him halfway and jumps into his arms so hard that Eliott lifts him off the ground.

''Lucas, fuck. Lucas."

Lucas kisses him, Eliott smothering his name in his mouth. He caresses Eliott's cheek, not knowing if it's the rain or the tears he wipes off before he starts laughing as Eliott holds him tight. 

''I love you, baby. I love you so much."

Lucas kisses him, almost stopping him from talking, but he doesn't care. He knows exactly how Eliott feels.

''I love you, Eliott. I love you. I've missed you."

The horn on Eliott's parents' car startled them.

''Get in before you get sick.''

Eliott lets Lucas go while he retrieves his backpack, but after that, he holds Lucas tight for the entire ride.

They climb quietly up to the apartment, leaving large water trails in the stairwell.

''We're going to get some pizzas, Olivier?'' asks Liz. ''Is that okay with you, Lucas? Do you want this?''

Lucas nods so quickly that Liz laughs. She pulls her husband back and closes the door of their apartment. Eliott immediately places Lucas against the door, kissing him tenderly before moving back to look at him, visibly trying to calm down. 

''Are you all right, Lucas?''

Lucas nods with a smile.

''Yes, I'm fine. I'm doing better. I still have a long way to go but I'm better. I have to go back on Monday.''

Eliott immediately loses his smile, but Lucas strokes his cheek, taking on a huge smile.

''So I want to enjoy this weekend and right now I'm really cold. I need a hot shower.''

Eliott nods and accompanies Lucas to the bathroom door. The first thing Lucas notices is that the lock has been changed, so that it can also be opened from the outside. Three weeks ago, he would have felt like dying when he saw this; two weeks ago, he would have felt very guilty that the Demaurys were changing things just for him; but now he just feels really lucky and grateful. 

''Do you want to come with me?''

Eliott seems to hesitate but Lucas grabs his hand and pulls him into the bathroom before kissing him, taking off his wet sweater and then his T-shirt before doing the same thing.

''Lucas, we don't have to''

Lucas kisses him to shut him up.

''I know, but I want to. So if you don't want to, of course we won't do anything, but it's not up to you to choose for me, okay? Will you come with me?"

Eliott pulls Lucas up against him, kissing him feverishly as if he wants to show Lucas that this question is stupid. 

Lucas gently caresses Eliott's torso then slides his hands down to unbutton Eliott's jeans and take them off before doing the same thing with his boxer shorts. He kisses Eliott while caressing him before backing up and removing his pants and boxer shorts and entering the shower, pulling Eliott against him. 

"I missed you so much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how it goes in other countries, but in France, it is possible to ask for internment in psychiatry for oneself. My sister's best friend did it 3 years ago and frankly, my first reflex was to say to myself: "Why the hell is she doing that? Why did she want to be locked up there?" and then my sister told me it was either that or suicide and I realized how brave it was to ask for help like that. Today, she's really better and she helped me with this story by giving me a lot of details about life in the psychiatric unit. The prohibition of contact between patients bothered her a lot, for example, because she's very tactile.


	7. Between two worlds

''Do you want to watch a movie?''

Lucas shakes his head looking at Eliott, questioning him with his eyes and Eliott simply looks at him, with eyes that would be shaped like hearts if they were in a cartoon. He takes a few seconds to react, understanding that Lucas lets him choose, so he shakes his head again, turning to his father.

"No, maybe tomorrow. We just want to be together, Dad."

Olivier nods his head as he looks at Lucas.

''I'll leave it up to you, Lucas, but I'm here if you have any problems, okay. And your old bed is still in your old room. You do what you want and everyone will be fine with it, okay?"

Lucas nods and smiles when he sees that Olivier keeps eye contact with Eliott.

''Oh of course I agree, Dad. Lucas knows that."

''I swear it was my idea,'' Lucas mumbles, his cheeks turning red just from the memory of coming face to face with Olivier and Liz as they both walked out of the bathroom with their hair still dripping. It was quite obvious that they had just showered together. 

''I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable." continues Lucas, as his ears turned the color of his cheeks, "I hadn't thought of that. In fact, I hadn't even imagined it.''

''Oh, Lucas, it's okay.'' Olivier stop him ''We're not uncomfortable. We had talked about it. But we just want to make sure your weekend here goes well, okay?''

Lucas nods his head, takes Eliott's hand and gently pulls him to their room. Here nothing has changed, and that's really reassuring. Half of the room is overflowing with drawing or movie material and the cover is almost on the floor.

''Do you want to watch a movie?''

Lucas shakes his head and lies down on Eliott's bed, looking at the ceiling and waving to Eliott to join him. Their heads are side by side and their hands are intertwined, but they just stand there in silence.

"Eliott, are you mad at me?"

Lucas hates that his voice reflects his anxiety so much and that it seems to be shaking, but it's too late, he's been asking the question since he closed the door of this apartment three weeks ago. 

Eliott immediately turns to his side, his nose touching Lucas' cheek, his arm and leg passing around his body.

''No, of course not. I was sad. It hurt me that you left like that, but I know you were right and I never would have let you go otherwise. So yeah, it was hard because I would have wanted to save you. You know, be your knight who saves you from the bad guys and all that, like in children's stories.''

''It wasn't your role, Eliott.''

Eliott nods softly with a sigh.

''I know, but I thought I could love you so much that my love would make you better. But it does get better, I just have to accept that I couldn't help you."

Lucas turns on his side, facing Eliott, stroking his cheek.

''You helped me, Eliott. When I decided to go to the hospital, it was just to stop hurting you. I didn't care about hurting myself but I didn't want to make you suffer anymore. It's because I love you that I'm getting through it. You were the one I thought about every time it was hard and I wanted to give up. Madi says that you are my guardian angel and I agree with her.''

Eliott barely frowns but Lucas notices it immediately.

''Who's Madi?''

Lucas smiles, stroking Eliott's nascent beard.

''Madison is my only friend there. She's 15 years old, but she's really mature for her age. She's bubbly and funny. She lost her twin sister in an accident. She has been struggling ever since with the idea that she should have died too. She has a depressive anorexia but she's really getting better since we met. We both play the piano, it's kind of fun and it's good for both of us."

Lucas looks at Eliott who doesn't say anything and suddenly, for the first time, he thinks that maybe Eliott thinks he shouldn't be friends with someone as fragile as him. That they could train each other down. But before it's time to worry about that, Eliott gives him a big smile.

''I hope I can meet her someday. I'm glad you found a friend, especially if it helps him get better too. I was so scared that you were going to be lonely over there.''

Lucas kisses Eliott before hugging him.

''Thank you for your letters, my love. I only got them yesterday, but I really enjoyed it. Thanks.''

Eliott kisses Lucas again and then moves away a little, resting his head on the cushion.

''What do you want to do this weekend? Do you want me to ask the guys to come over?''

Lucas shakes his head immediately, completely losing his smile.

"No. Did you tell them?''

Eliott shakes his head in turn, caressing Lucas' cheek.

''No, of course not. They know you're in the hospital and they can't contact you, but they don't know why. It wasn't my job to tell them, and you don't have to if you don't want to.''

Lucas nods his head as he sits on the bed and Eliott immediately imitates him, facing him.

''I didn't tell you that either, Eliott. One of the things you have to do to start healing is to accept our illness, so my doctor says I have to tell you out loud.''

Eliott puts a finger over his mouth to make Lucas stop talking.

''I want you to be the one who want to tell me, Lucas. Not your doctor. It could be now, it could be two days from now, it could be a week from now, I just want you to be ready."

Lucas nods and takes Eliott's hand in his.

''I have post-traumatic anorexia. It means that even if I get better, I may never be completely cured and maybe one day I'll relapse."

Eliott nods gently and bends over to take Lucas in his arms.

''Okay. I just want you to know that I'll be here if that happens, okay?"

Lucas hugs Eliott, stroking his back.

''Is it okay if we just stay here this weekend, just the two of us? I just wanna be in your arms."

Eliott hugs him and kisses his hair.

''You're describing my vision of the perfect weekend, babe.''

Lucas moans with satisfaction as he hugs Eliott a little more.

''I'm so glad I'm home.''

''Me too, babe. Me too."

They lie back on the bed, huddle together, letting their fingers gently caress each other's bodies.

''Lucas?''

"Mmmmh?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

Lucas raises his head towards Eliott, smiling.

''Isn't that a question already?''

Eliott laughs and kisses Lucas' forehead with a smile.

''Idiot. I was wondering. You told my dad you didn't imagine doing that earlier, take a shower with me. I loved it, of course, but do you think we should talk about it? Do you want to talk about it?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders before resting his head on Eliott's chest.

''I don't have much to say. I missed you, you were there, soaking wet, me too so I wanted to be closer to you than ever. So no, this morning I never imagined I would be able to get naked, so exposed with you, but I'm really glad I did. And I definitely want to do it again as soon as we're alone.''

Lucas lifts up, turns around a bit so he can lift Eliott's shirt and kiss his chest.

''Actually, we could just be quiet.''

He puts another kiss right on top of his tattoo.

''I feel so good when I'm with you, Eli.''

Eliott moans as Lucas gently bites the base of his neck before he takes off his shirt.

''I'm gonna make you feel even better so if you want me to.'' said ELiott softly, kissing his ear.

Eliott kisses him tenderly before turning them over so that Lucas is on his back.

''You want to?"

Lucas nods while Eliott helps him to take off his shirt. He kisses him tenderly everywhere and goes down to take Lucas' hand but his thumb touches the scar on Lucas' wrist and Eliott stops. It only lasts a few seconds, but Lucas realizes it right away.

''I'm going to get it covered when I'm old enough, I'll get a tattoo on it. I don't want to totally forget about it, but I don't want this mark to keep reminding us how much you were hurt that day.''

Eliott looks at him with a sigh and Lucas knows he's going to tell him that he's the one who was hurt that day, but Lucas will never stop seeing the worried face Eliott had when he was treating him. He never wants to cause Eliott that much pain and worry again. And finally, Eliott seems to understand his point of view because he doesn't say anything. Eliott nods and gently kisses the scar before coming back to kiss Lucas' belly. He unbuttoned his jeans and looked at him again, apparently watching for any sign that Lucas was changing his mind.

''I'm going to have to fucking beg you?''

Eliott comes back up to him with a big smile on his lips.

''Maybe.''

Lucas rolls his eyes, smiling.

''Please, my love, make me feel good.''

And that's pretty much all they do that weekend: hugging, kissing, talking, touching, licking, and whispering their names in happy moans. All of this is punctuated by meals taken at set times under the benevolent gaze of Olivier and Liz. 

It is with a heavy heart that they have to separate on Monday morning. Eliott looks like the raccoon on the envelopes: he is sad but he tries to smile. Lucas kisses him tenderly, apologizing for not having the courage to accompany him to the high school, not yet ready to face his buddies, and he cries as soon as Eliott leaves the building.   
Luckily, finding Madison again gives him the opportunity to smile a little. Lucas finds himself telling her about their reunion and what they did that weekend and even realizes it.

''So his parents will have surprised in the shower?'' 

She bursts out laughing and frankly, it's a beautiful sound to hear.

''No! I said they surprised us when we came out of the bathroom.''

Madison continues to laugh, and Lucas knows she's imagining him, completely uncomfortable as he was.

''And so, did you do it in the shower?''

Lucas looks up to the sky.

''I'm not talking about this with you, Madi.''

Madison hits him in the forearm, moaning.

''Come on! I don't have a life here. I need to live vicariously. Please. Fuck, if you don't say anything, I'm sure you do. I'm happy for you."

Lucas sighs then shakes his head.

''Lulu, do you think you'll ever get to suck it?''

Lucas feels his cheeks turn red and turns his head slightly to look out the window. 

''Oh shit, I'm sure you did it! No ? Did you?"

''Oh, God, Madi! I told you I'm not gonna give you details like that."

Madison pouting and then she winks at him.

''If you tell me, I'll eat lunch with you today.''

Lucas is stunned. Madison's better, but Lucas hasn't seen her eat yet. She always sits across from Lucas but doesn't eat anything, so the nurses plug the pump into her stomach tube. But every day, the nurses offer her a meal, and that makes Lucas smile and automatically thinks of the plate that awaits Eliott during his episodes.

''It's ugly to blackmail like that, Madi.''

Madison shrugs her shoulders with an evil smile.

''Never mind. You're delaying my healing with your secrets."

''Lucas, Madison, it's lunchtime.''

Lucas looks at Liliane who beckons them into the dining room and then gets up from her bed. He has almost reached his door when he sighs and comes back to Madison moaning.

''Yes, I did, and I loved it. I think he was uncomfortable at first because he was afraid I was going to break, but I was able to make him forget about it and he just loved it. The next times were definitely better. Happy?''

Madison takes a huge smile and claps her hands.

"Delighted! Oh God, I'm so proud of you."

Lucas watches Madison eat in front of him, and he almost forgets to eat because it's so unbelievable.

''That's good, Madi.'' Liliane says softly as she comes up to them, ''Since this is the third day you've agreed to eat, the doctor thinks he's going to take your stomach tube out soon if you keep this up."

Lucas is stunned.

''Fuck, I don't believe it. Did you eat this weekend? You've got to be kidding me, right?"

Madison laughs with a shrug.

''What? I needed to know that you were able to get past it. I'm gonna get over it, too, Lulu. Someday I'm going to go home and I'm not going to fall apart when I see my sister's room empty. We're going to make it, Lulu."

Eliott laughs a lot when Lucas tells him that night. Because now he's allowed to have his cell phone with him. So when Friday afternoon comes and he's allowed to go out for the weekend again, he's not worried at all like last week, he's just really looking forward to it. Lucas kisses Madison' cheek before leaving with Liz. They've barely arrived when Eliott arrives breathless, having obviously been running to get here as fast as he could since high school.

''My baby. I missed you so much."

Eliott kisses him, all over his face, which wouldn't be unusual if Liz wasn't there. Lucas slowly backs away with red cheeks, not used to so much showing off in front of Eliott's parents. Except when they were in front of Eliott's therapist, one week ago, but that was different. 

"Eliott, let him breathe."

Lucas swallows, suddenly really uncomfortable, and Liz seems to notice him, but not Eliott, who clings to him like he's a koala bear. If he wasn't so big, Lucas is sure he would try to climb on him.

''Hey, I have the right to be happy to have my boyfriend back, don't I? I really missed him. I just want him to know that."

Eliott talks a lot faster than usual and suddenly he lets go of Lucas and disappears into his room before coming back with a DVD in his hands.

''Look, I got it yesterday, we can both watch it if you want. It's for Madison. It's about a girl who loses her twin sister and decides to take on her identity."

''Oh, God, Eliott! It's so clumsy." said Liz, taking the DVD out of her hands. "Don't give it to Madison. Poor Madison, do you realize how hard this is for her?"

Eliott glanced at her before taking back her DVD.

"She's got Lucas five days a week and I only have two! If it's hard for anyone, it's for me."

And just like that, Eliott goes back to his room, leaving Liz and Lucas stunned in the middle of the corridor. 

"He is"

The sound of of broken glass makes them startle and Lucas rushes into Eliott's room. It doesn't take long to realize that he has just thrown the DVD out the window.

"I wanted to please her. I wanted to show her that she's not alone in this case. I just wanted to thank her for taking care of you the way she does. But I'm doing everything wrong."

Lucas moves closer to Eliott and gently strokes his arm.

''She said she would love it if you drew her. So soon you'll meet her and then you can draw her. She can't wait to find out which animal represents her so it will make her really happy. Is that okay with you?"

Eliott nods his head, tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

Lucas gently caresses his cheek and smiles tenderly.

''It's okay, my love. Do you want to go to bed?"

Eliott nods, seeming exhausted, and Lucas signals to Liz that all is well before going to bed with him. Eliott falls asleep almost immediately in Lucas' arms.

Lucas watches him sleep, but Eliott doesn't even seem calmed down. He's had two episodes since they've been together, but it's still hard to see Eliott suffering inside like this. Lucas intercepts the time on the alarm clock so decides to get up before Liz or Olivier comes to get him to eat. Eliott immediately grabs his arm as if he had just woken up with a start.

''Don't leave me yet, babe.''

Lucas stops in his movement and resumes his place beside him but Eliott already lets go of him.

''I'm sorry, I shouldn't say this. I feel so fucking selfish."

Eliott bursts into tears and Lucas pulls him up against him to take him in his arms.

''I felt so fucking lonely.''

Lucas gently rocks him.

''I'm here, baby. I'll always be here."

Eliott shakes his head and cries.

''No, you're not. I couldn't get you to stay. I feel so useless."

Lucas sighs because his heart hurts. He knew when he left as he did that Eliott would feel guilty, but he couldn't find any other way. And now that he's better, he knows that he made the right choice, but he still feels bad for Eliott.

''I was treated for you, my love. It was you who gave me the strength to leave so I could come back in better shape and look now I'm here and I'm fine."

Eliott nods his head in Lucas' neck.

''You'll have to leave again on Monday. And then one day you'll really leave and you won't come back."

Lucas pushes Eliott away a little so he can look him in the eye.

''Why do you say that ?''

''Because it's true. You're going to get better. Look at you, you're already better. Whereas I'll always be like this. So one day you'll get tired of putting up with my episodes and you'll leave. And I won't even be able to blame you for that because I deserve it. I'm going to hurt you Lucas and yet it's the last thing I want. But I know it's going to happen and...and..."

Lucas gently caresses Eliott's back as he snuggles up against him. 

''I'm not leaving, Eliott. You're never going to scare me away. As long as you want me, I'll be here. You think I don't feel like I'm too much for you to handle? If anyone should leave, it should be you, my love."

Eliott clings to Lucas' shirt while shaking his head.

''I don't want to. But I'm gonna hurt you, Lucas. And if you relapse because of me, what if"

''Shhttt my love, don't think about it. Just let the minute pass, okay. We'll play a game."

Eliott looks at him without expression on his face but ends up asking him : "What game?"

''It's called Lucas and Eliott, minute by minute. We're both going to live, without thinking about the next minute and what might happen, okay?"

Eliott looks at him intrigued this time and it makes Lucas smile.

''This minute we're going to kiss because I love you and you love me. That's all. We're not thinking about anything. Just kissing. Is that okay?"

Eliott nods gently before he gets close to Lucas, letting their lips find each other. They kiss each other as soon as a knock at the door.

''Lucas, it's time to diner.''

Lucas grunts in the kiss before backing away.

''Just a minute and I'm coming, I promise.''

He kisses Eliott again without taking the time to wait for an answer. They must have spent more than a minute kissing because Liz comes back knocking gently at the door.

''Lucas, you have to eat. I'll take your place."

Eliott bursts out laughing, so Lucas has to step back to stop kissing him. Eliott looks at his mother who opens the door and laughs even harder before falling down on the bed in tears.

''No one will ever be able to replace him.''

Lucas sighs, alternating his gaze between Eliott and Liz.

"Can I eat here?''

Liz opens her mouth but Eliott pushes Lucas slightly out of bed to get him up.

"Go eat, Lucas.''

Lucas gently caresses Eliott's back which is almost entirely hidden under his blanket.

''Please, babe. Don't miss any meals for me. Just go.''

Lucas reluctantly gets up and eats with Liz and Olivier, guilt taking him. Olivier repeats to him that a person doesn't create an episode, that Eliott had worse before, when he drank too much and didn't take his medication and that he is fine, but Lucas feels guilty anyway. 

But that's not even why he spends the weekend in their room, wrapping his arms around Eliott and reminding him how much he loves him. No, if he does that, it's just because he loves him.

And that's also why for the first time he's here, he's arguing with Olivier on Monday morning. 

''Lucas, I have to take you back to the hospital. Please don't make this harder than it already is. You have to think about your recovery first."

Lucas shakes his head, sure of himself.

''I'm not leaving him. There's no way I'm leaving this morning. I'm thinking of me Olivier, but I'm better, I'm not going back to the hospital. I can do it, I can really come back."

Olivier shakes his head.

''That's not for me to decide, Lucas. I'd really like that too, but you have to take it easy."

Lucas comes out of the kitchen and goes back to the bedroom to get his phone. He looks at Eliott, asleep under two blankets and shakes his head. There's no way he's going to leave.

So he goes back to the kitchen and puts his phone on speaker while he calls the Eating Disorders Service and smiles when he hears that Liliane picks up the phone.

"Liliane, it's Lucas."

''You're not coming, are you?''

Lucas smiles. She knows him really well.

''I feel good and I want to try. Can I talk to Dr. Frira?"

''No need, Lucas. He already thought you weren't coming back last Monday. We all did, actually."

That makes Lucas smile, because if it wasn't for Madison, he probably wouldn't have come back last Monday.

''If it doesn't go well, come back whenever you want. But if not, we'll see you on Friday at 4:00pm for your follow-up appointment. How's that sound?"

''It's perfect. Thank you very much, Liliane. Tell Madison I'll come see her Friday before my appointment."

''She'll be very happy about that, Lucas. See you Friday."

Lucas hangs up triumphantly, displaying a huge smile.

''Okay, you win, Lucas. I'm glad you're back here. But you think of yourself first, okay?"

Lucas nods, but immediately goes to their room and slips in behind Eliott before hugging him.

''Lucas?''.

Eliott's hoarse voice hurts his heart, but Lucas gently kisses his hair, hugging him a little harder.

''I'm staying with you, Eli, it's okay. I'm not leaving anymore. Minute by minute, okay?

Eliott immediately steps back to nestle perfectly against Lucas' body, as if they were two pieces of a puzzle.

''I'm holding you and I'll never let you go, my love."


	8. Excited

''Lulu, you have to eat!''

Lucas sighs and raises his eyes looking at the two plates not touched at all.

''You too Madi! Come on eat."

Madison sighs as she looks at her plate.

''I'm way too excited for this! Can you believe it? Oh God, I can't believe it"

Lucas smiles. He feels like his whole body is swarming with excitement, so yes, he does, and yes, he understands Madison perfectly.

"Since this morning, I've just been looking at the clock and counting down the minutes until tonight. I don't think I've ever been so excited in my life. But you should be calm."

Madison tilts her head to the side and smiles. 

''We're planning a huge surprise for my best friend's boyfriend. How do you expect me to be calm? Since I was 15 years old, I've lived for this moment, Lucas. And it's gonna happen. I can't fucking believe this. I feel like this is a dream come true, and yet it doesn't even really concern me. I wish I could tell the Madison of two and a half years ago to fight just to be able to be there, today, with you".

"Stop being so dramatic and eat you two!" Yann says with a smile on his face "It's fucking delicious! Bravo Baz!"

"Thank you! Okay, is everything ready for tonight?''

Lucas nods and grabs his fork.

"Only the apartment remains to be prepared but otherwise it's good."

''Can you tell me the plan again?'' Arthur asks, ''When do I bring the surprise?''

Madison's rolling her eyes, calling him incompetent and then laughing and eating.

''Hey! I just don't want to make a mistake. I can't wait to see the look on Eliott's face."

"He's going to freak out." Madison promises.

"He's going to scream!" Yann adds.

"I'm sure he's going to cry," declares Basile as he joins them at the table.

"He's not going to cry," replied Lucas, not quite sure of that. And then finally, it doesn't matter if Eliott cries, because it will be tears of joy.

''You're going to cry,'' says Madison and the three boys look at him and nod.

"I'm not going to cry," promises Lucas as if to himself, "It's his birthday, I don't see why I would cry."

They all start giggling and Lucas could be offended, but he just rolls his eyes. Because OK, maybe he'll cry when he sees how happy Eliott is. Because today, Eliott is 21 years old and he thinks they are going to spend the evening quietly together in their apartment but the truth is that Lucas has prepared a surprise party for him.

They've just been living together for almost a year now. Life with Eliott's parents has been great, but it's still better to be able to have sex without worrying about making noise, and to be able to undress each other in any room without fear of getting caught. So as soon as Lucas turned 18, they moved into an apartment near their respective schools. 

The first thing they did in this apartment was to repaint the back wall of the living room, in the style of Pollock, before making love in the painting. It was much less pleasant than Lucas would have thought because in the end the paint is cold and slippery, and it was a torture to clean, but it was perfect. Their wall is unique and beautiful, just as Eliott promised. Lucas always repeats to him that he is the one who is unique and magnificent, which always makes Eliott roll his eyes, calling him a sap, but Lucas knows that Eliott loves it.

"And now, where is our birthday man?" Basile asks, seeming to realize only now that Eliott is missing.

''He works at the video store.'' smiles Lucas ''I asked his boss to keep him until 7 pm. Yeah, I'm evil..."

Lucas starts laughing and they finish eating before preparing the apartment for tonight. We have to make a lot of space and clean everything, but when Liz and Olivier arrive at 6:15 pm, everything is ready. Liz invades the kitchen with a bunch of things to eat, having forced Lucas to leave it all to her - Lucas being more than happy to accept anyway.

The doorbell rings once and Lucas doesn't need Olivier to make the introductions he already knows who's in front of him.

''Matthieu, I suppose?''

The guy is so tall that he has to bend over to get through the door, and he bends over even more to hold Lucas against him.

"I'm so happy to be here, thank you Lucas. Oh, Liz!"

Mathieu almost runs and throws himself into Liz's arms. Lucas doesn't have time to close the door when a girl smiles at him. And this one, Lucas knows her well, he has already met her several times.

''Hi Marine, how are you?''

"I'm so happy to be here! He's going to be crazy!"

Marine shared Eliott's life for 2 years when he was 13 years old. She came to live in Paris a year ago and since Eliott, she and Lucas have been seeing each other regularly. 

Idriss and Sofiane arrive with the girls and Lucas thanks them for being on time for once. Frankly, he was convinced Idriss would be late. He smiled at Imane to thank her, knowing very well that it is thanks to her that they are on time.

Raphaël arrives just on time, as expected, with a huge smile on his face. Lucas expected him to have big eyes but no. Then Lucas looks at him intrigued, wondering why Eliott was drawing him like an owl.

Raphael kisses Olivier and then Liz, before taking in Lucas' look and starting to laugh.

''It's because I used to scream at night.''

Lucas is almost startled, his cheeks red, ashamed that he can read him so well.

''Eliott said that I was an owl because during the day I never said anything, but the night I screamed. A horrible high-pitched scream. But I've stopped doing that, I promise. Now I have only this to remind me of it''. 

Raphael unveils a tattoo on his side, a magnificent owl and Lucas immediately recognizes Eliott's way of drawing.

Lucas laughs as he bumps his fist against his own and shows him his room. Raphael will sleep here for three days before leaving for Nice. Liz and Olivier offered to host him, but Lucas knows that it will really please Eliott that he stays with them. 

Lucas's cell phone beeps and he jumps, having almost forgotten the surprise.

"Fuck, he should be here in less than ten minutes."

''Okay!'' says Arthur ''I'll go get the surprise in my car.''

Lucas almost pushes him out but when he opens the door he is startled because there is a figure standing behind him. 

"Mom! You scared me!"

''I'm sorry, I wanted to buy him some flowers. I know he likes sunflowers. Isn't he here yet? Is he?"

"No, Mom, it's okay. Come on. Thank you, he's gonna love it."

Lucas' mother comes home and joins Liz in the kitchen before putting the sunflowers in a vase. Arthur comes back less than five minutes later, then disappears into the bedroom and Lucas already feels like crying because he imagines Eliott's surprised face.

''He's coming! I see him coming up the street."

Lucas rushes to the window next to Madison and watches Eliott enter the building.

''Okay. No more noise!'' orders Emma.

Daphné turns off the light and everyone tries to keep quiet. Try...because they're almost all giggling.

The door opens slowly and the light in the corridor is enough to see Eliott frowning.

''Lucas?"

Eliott clears his throat while taking off his coat.

"Babe, are you okay?"

Lucas smiles in the dark. He is more than okay. Eliott turns on the light and _''Surprise.''_

Eliott jumps backwards, banging his back against the door, eyes wide open and drops the bottle he was holding in his hands.

The bottle explodes immediately, covering the entire floor of the champagne entrance. 

''Oh shit, Eli, we didn't mean to scare you.''

Eliott takes a huge smile, walking back to the living room avoiding the glass fragments.

''Anybody would have been scared when someone is hiding in the dark, someone very smart once told me that. I think that was the day I fell in love with him because he was so cute, scared in the dark."

Lucas grunts as he looks up at the sky.

''I'm not afraid of the dark, silly. Happy birthday.''

And Eliott only now seems to realize there are some unusual guests in their homes.

''Damn it, Raph! What the hell are you doing here, bro?"

He takes him in his arms and then pushes him away almost as fast.

''Mattieu! Marine! What the hell are you doing here?"

"Happy Birthday!" they answer in trio.

Eliott comes back towards Lucas and kisses him tenderly.

''It's the best birthday ever. Thanks babe. You're awesome."

''Wait till you see your present!'' Lucas laughs.

"You're my present."

Lucas is blushing as everyone starts talking to each other. Lucas turns around to go clean up the mess in the hallway, but it's already done and he doesn't even know who cleaned it up so quickly. Olivier and Idriss serve everyone a drink and then Lucas asks for silence, his cheeks are scarlet.

''I have a surprise for you, my love. I think everyone who has shared Eliott's life knows how much he loves animals. I love you but I'm ready to let a new person into your life and share some of your love."

Eliott frowns but he doesn't have time to talk as Arthur opens the bedroom door, releasing a ball of beige and brown hair with darker spots all over his coat. Eliott is speechless as the puppy waddles through the living room, his ears seeming almost too big for him.

''No? No ?! Tell me that's not a joke."

''It's not a joke.'' Lucas laughs as he hugs Eliott before taking the puppy in his hands and handing him to Eliott. ''Happy birthday, my love.''

Eliott delicately takes the puppy in his arms, burying his nose in his coat, tears in his eyes before pulling Lucas against him to kiss him.

"Thanks babe, I'm so happy. Fuck, look, he's got your eyes."

Everyone starts laughing around them and Lucas laughs too before kissing Eliott. They are quickly interrupted by all the guests who want to pet the puppy and know what they are going to call him. After that, Eliott opens an incredible number of gifts: drawing supplies, the movie camera he dreamed of to work at school and even an unlimited movie subscription for two.

Lucas spends the rest of the evening chatting while watching Eliott chatting while stroking the puppy lovingly. Eliott has a beautiful smile and Lucas is sure he is having a perfect evening. It's good to see him surrounded by all those people who love him just the way he is, not caring a second about his illness. He takes several pictures of the evening because he really wants to be able to show it to Eliott, when he doubts he's enough. He really wants to be able to show him that he is more than enough, and that there are a lot of people who love him. 

And that's why Lucas is really surprised when Eliott gives the puppy to Alexia who asks for him and discreetly pulls Lucas into their room. Eliott's smile fades almost as soon as he closes the door and he immediately takes on a worried look.

''Are you okay babe?''

Lucas nods as he tries to kiss him but Eliott quickly backs away from the kiss.

''What's wrong, Eli? It's too much, right?"

Eliott looks at him intrigued.

''You, what's wrong, Lucas? Is this too much? Is it stressing you out? Are you not feeling well?"

Eliott gently caresses his tattoo on his wrist and Lucas knows what it means. Eliott does it systematically when he is afraid that Lucas will relapse. Lucas is not even sure if Eliott is actually doing it consciously. He gently caresses the scar, hidden by the "Minute by Minute" that Lucas had engraved on it on his 18th birthday.

''What? No, I'm fine."

''You don't eat anything, Lucas. It's almost 11:00 p.m. and I haven't seen you eat once. You refuse everything that is offered to you. Talk to me, please.''

Lucas smiles as he pulls Eliott against him. Even at his birthday party, Eliott watches over him and worries. Lucas hasn't really relapsed since he was released from the hospital, but he has to be careful because the stress takes away his appetite, and he never really realizes it until Eliott points it out to him. But now Lucas knows he's more than okay. He takes Eliott's wrist, as he likes to do, and gently caresses his matching tattoo. He has teased Eliott for a long time for copying him for this tattoo, but the truth is, he's really happy that they have that in common, and Eliott knows it. The "minute by minute" has always been valid for both of them.

''Don't worry, I'm fine. I'm stressed because I have another surprise for you tonight, but I'm fine. I'm going to go in the kitchen and eat to make you happy, okay?''

Eliott sighs as he huddles up against Lucas.

''Sorry. I know I worry too much. I'm sorry.''

Lucas kisses him gently before he opens the bedroom door again.

''Never apologize for worrying about me. Come on my love, your guests are waiting for you. Don't worry about me, I swear I'm fine. Really fine.''

And as if to prove it, Lucas immediately goes to the kitchen. It's always painful to know that Eliott is constantly worrying about him, but he knows he does the same for Eilott, so maybe that's just what being in love and take care of each other..

''Do you know he's going to want him to sleep in your bed?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and smiles at Olivier who shows him Eliott sitting on the couch with the puppy on his lap.

''I hadn't thought about it. We'll see."

Olivier smiles to him but Madison joins them by jumping on the spot.

''It's time, Lulu. It's gonna be time."

Lucas looks at the time. 11:55 pm then he nods and asks for silence. He takes a deep breath and smiles while gently pulling on Eliott's arm so that he gets up and comes next to him.

''The first time I saw Eliott, he winked at me and I fainted."

Everybody starts laughing, even Lucas and Eliott.

''I think my whole body knew he was gonna be the man of my life.''

Lucas grabs Eliott's hand, pulls it towards him and kneels on the ground, laughing at the bewildered look on Eliott's face as he lets go of his hand and says ''No. It's not possible.'' before hiding his face in his hands.

''I love you with all my heart, Eliott, and I can't imagine my life without you. I want to spend every remaining minute of my life with you, so I want to take advantage of this great day when we are surrounded by our families and friends to ask you: Will you marry me?''.

Eliott almost throws himself on his knees so he can kiss Lucas, saying yes in the process, before crushing their lips together. Lucas wraps his arms around him while everyone applauds. Lucas doesn't really know when he slipped the ring on Eliott's finger, or when Eliott did the same thing to him, but when they get up, they each have the promise of their marriage around their fingers.

''I love you so much, babe.''

"Eliott, you have to make a speech!" Arthur yells, followed by the rest of their friends.

''Okay. First of all, thank you all for coming. I'm really happy to be surrounded by my family, my brothers and sister and our friends. One day, almost a week after Lucas came home, Basile, you asked me what it was like to have a new brother and I answered that Lucas will never be my brother. When I answered that, a little voice in my head said _"but I hope one day we will have the same name"_. So I'm more than happy to know that I was right to think that day and that this dream will come true. What I hadn't imagined was that Pollock who would come and bring us our alliances."

"Pollock?" Lucas asks, raising an eyebrow, "Really?"

''Yeah! Did you see his spots? Come on, babe, please?"

Eliott looks at him with his puppy eyes, his lower lip rolled down and Lucas starts laughing and rolling his eyes. He can't deny him anything when he makes that face.

**Author's Note:**

> ☀️ send me a comment, I would love to know how you feel about this chapter. ☀️


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